BP Says Oil in Gulf Must be Changed Every Six Months

07/07/2010 09:53 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

GULF OF MEXICO (The Borowitz Report) - At a time when many thought that news out of the Gulf of Mexico couldn't get any worse, BP announced today that the oil in the Gulf needs to be changed every six months.

"Clearly, it's not ideal that the oil will need to be changed," said the BP spokesman. "But on the plus side, there's plenty of fresh oil down there."

The announcement about the oil change came on the heels of BP's decision earlier in the week to separate the Gulf into two sections, full-serve and self-serve.

Sensing that the company was staring down a deepening public relations disaster, BP CEO Tony Hayward attempted to sound a compassionate note: "If this sort of damage were being inflicted on my yacht, I would be devastated."

According to experts, the BP oil spill is now the second-worst leak in U.S. history, after Michael Steele's mouth. More here.

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