Burning Documents Create Giant Smoke Plume over Goldman Sachs

The giant plume began to appear just minutes after the SEC announced on Friday that it had filed a civil lawsuit against the investment bank and grew to a monstrous size as the weekend wore on.
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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Goldman Sachs officials spent the weekend burning a mountain of documents at their Manhattan headquarters, creating a giant smoke plume that snarled air traffic over much of North America.

The giant plume began to appear just minutes after the Securities and Exchange Commission announced on Friday that it had filed a civil lawsuit against the investment bank and grew to a monstrous size as the weekend wore on.

The New York City fire department rushed to the investment bank's headquarters assuming that the building was on fire, only to find Goldman executives feeding reams of documents to a blast furnace in the basement.

While most of the documents were successfully set ablaze, one fireman recovered a memorandum relating to a Goldman investment called The Brooklyn Bridge Fund.

According to the memo, Goldman was actively seeking investors in the Brooklyn Bridge while secretly betting that the 127-year-old bridge would collapse.

Testifying before Congress today, Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankein said he knew nothing about the Brooklyn Bridge Fund, or the burning of sensitive company documents: "This was all masterminded by some dude named Fabrice." More here.

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