Conde Nast to End War in Afghanistan

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - In what some experts are calling a bold and unorthodox strategy, the U.S. Department of Defense has hired the Conde Nast magazine group to end the unpopular war in Afghanistan.

Defense Secretary Robert Gates laid out the rationale behind the decision for reporters in Washington: "If these people could shut down Modern Bride and Gourmet, we have no doubt that they can end this war."

Conde Nast executive Carol Foyler echoed Mr. Gates words: "One thing we are very good at it is identifying something unpopular and getting rid of it."

Phase one of the Conde Nast plan, she revealed, is employing the McKinsey and Co. consultancy to downsize key elements of the Taliban.

"We've looked at the Taliban structure, and there's a lot of waste there," she said. "Too many terrorists doing the same thing."

She said some of the downsized Taliban may be reassigned elsewhere in the Conde Nast empire, perhaps serving as security personnel at the Vanity Fair Oscar party. More here.