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Fox News Reports No Link Between Matches, Gasoline and Fire

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NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - The Fox News Channel today attempted to bust what it called a "mainstream media myth" by reporting that there was no link between matches, gasoline and fire.

"Gasoline and matches don't start fires," said Fox host Glenn Beck. "People start fires."

Mr. Beck went on to say that there was no link between "oxygen, hydrogen and water."

Elsewhere, Verizon trumpeted its new iPhone, announcing, "For the first time, consumers will have a choice of which wireless carrier drops their calls." More here.

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