GOP Plan: If Uninsured Die Fast Enough, They Won't Need Coverage

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Congressional Republicans offered an alternative to President Obama's health care plan today as they unveiled their own proposal which would ask uninsured Americans to die faster and therefore not require coverage.

"A new study shows that the uninsured die faster than the insured," Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) told reporters in Washington. "Our plan calls for them to die even faster."

Rep. Boehner said that the sooner the uninsured die, "the sooner they will be relieved of the stress and anxiety caused by not having health coverage."

The House Minority Leader said that the G.O.P. plan would over massive tax cuts to uninsured Americans who die "in a timely fashion."

"If these Americans do the patriotic thing and die before they make it to the emergency room, the least we can do is reward them with a tax cut," he said. More here.