GOP Reaffirms Pro-Swine Position

Responding to the furor over the Republican party's opposition to pandemic preparedness funding in the recent stimulus bill, GOP leaders came forward today to reaffirm the party's pro-swine position.

"The Republican Party has traditionally been the pro-swine party," said GOP strategist Karl Rove on Fox News. "This is a moment in our history when everyone must ask themselves: Are you with the pigs, or are you against them?"

Gov. Sarah Palin (R-AK) also voiced her solidarity with swine, telling reporters in Anchorage, "The only difference between a pitbull and a pig is lipstick."

Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME), one of the staunchest opponents of pandemic preparedness spending, said that the public should ignore the "scare tactics" of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and should "go about their normal business with pigs."

Rove agreed, telling Fox's Sean Hannity, "I think it's the pinnacle of hypocrisy that the same forces on the left who support same-sex marriage are now trying to limit our contact with pigs, which is the most normal thing in the world, and one of the most beautiful."

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