Hillary Accuses Obama of Bed-wetting

The increasingly contentious race for the Democratic presidential nomination got a little bit nastier today as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) charged that her chief rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), wet his bed when he was a toddler.

Iowans have grown used to displays of testiness on the part of the leading Democratic contenders in recent weeks, but few were prepared for Sen. Clinton's accusation that her surging opponent had been a bed-wetter.

Moments after her campaign released this latest bombshell, Sen. Clinton went to great lengths to show that the bed-wetting incident, while occurring when the Illinois senator was only three years old, was "relevant" to the current presidential campaign.

At a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids, Sen. Clinton said that the alleged bed-wetting incident "should not disqualify" Sen. Obama from the White House, but should make Democrats "think long and hard" about voting for him in next month's caucuses.

"Personally, I don't have anything against having a bed-wetter in the Oval Office," Sen. Clinton said. "But you can be sure that the Republican right-wing attack machine will have a field day with this kind of thing."

At a campaign appearance in Davenport, Sen. Obama brushed off his alleged bed-wetting as an "isolated incident," and added an apparent jab at Sen. Clinton: "I'm not the one who's so scared about this race that I'm peeing myself now."

In response to Sen. Obama's remark, Sen. Clinton later released a statement referring to herself as "rubber" and Sen. Obama as "glue."

Elsewhere, the state of New Jersey banned capital punishment, arguing that living in New Jersey was bad enough.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts an all-new edition of "Next Week's News" starring Amy Sedaris. John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Christian Finnegan (VH1's Best Week Ever) at Comix on Thursday January 17 at 8 PM. Comix is located at 353 West 14th Street, just east of Ninth Avenue. For tickets, call 212-524-2500 or go to comixny.com. For a $5 discount, use the promotional code ANDY.

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Comments

[ConcernAmerican]

fantastic joke andy...i've just finish reading my email..I'm one of your subscriber......LOL

[dolphinlikr]

this all started with obama questioning her long held desire to be president. she responded with his written desire to be president. something he had written in the 3rd grade, not in kindergarten. how many of you could spell and write in kindergarten? (I could barely speak). this is so much ado about nada.

[CornBred]

funny...i saw this same thing written another way on des moines craigslist. now i'm thinking that author just took andy's words and slightly adapted them to say "Hillary Accuses Obama of Fathering Black Children"

Here's the link:

http://desmoines.craigslist.org/pol/509811436.html

Here's the text:

The increasingly contentious race for the Democratic presidential nomination got a little bit nastier tonight as Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) charged that her chief rival, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill), fathered two black children in Chicago while living in Chicago in the late 1990's.

Iowans have grown used to displays of testiness on the part of the leading Democratic contenders in recent weeks, but few were prepared for Sen. Clinton's accusation that her surging opponent had fathered two black children.

Moments after her campaign released this latest bombshell, Sen. Clinton went to great lengths to show that the allegations, while occurring before the Illinois senator had taken office, was "relevant" to the current presidential campaign.

At a campaign stop in Cedar Rapids, Sen. Clinton said that the alleged black children "should not disqualify" Sen. Obama from the White House, but should make Democrats "think long and hard" about voting for him in next month's caucuses.

"Personally, I don't have anything against having a man who fathered black children winning the presidency," Sen. Clinton said. "But you can be sure that the Republican right-wing attack machine will have a field day with this kind of thing."

At a campaign appearance in Davenport, Sen. Obama confirmed that he has two black daughters currently living with his wife Michelle in Chicago," and added an apparent jab at Sen. Clinton: "I was told by former UN Ambassador Andrew Young that there's another recent President who's also fathered multiple black children."

In response to Sen. Obama's remark, Sen. Clinton later released a statement that her spokesperson, "Sen. Hillary Clinton, is not officially part of her presidential campaign and does not speak for 'candidate' Hillary Clinton."

[jonnie66]

Recently free ride for Obama from political press corps, and it feels besieged as it has to bat away incessant questions with Obama's significant shifts, flip flopping on issues such as Patriot Act, Defense of Marriage Act, Fast Track trade authority and benefits for same-sex couples.Given how little experience Obama has, it’s understandable that his campaign doesn’t want any kind of focus on his record, These stories clearly raise questions about Obama’s electability and serve as a stark reminder about how little the public knows about his positions. The Illinois chapter of the National Organization for Women, Obama said he would vote to repeal the Patriot Act. In 2006 Obama voted for the re-drafted version of the Patriot Act that some critics contended made only minor changes to the original law. On Defense of Marriage Act Obama answered "No," to the question: "Do you support repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act? On Fast Track authority, which requires Congress to vote yes or no and without amendments on pending trade deals, Obama opposes Fast Track authority "because it is a usurpation of Congress' role to ensure that negotiated trade agreements serve the best interests of our country, including protection of the environment, worker rights and human rights.In remarks to the Detroit Economic Club in May, Obama said: "I plan to be president, so I actually want Fast Track. But I'm willing to constrain myself in Fast Track to make sure that we’ve got strong labor and environmental protections.On benefits for same-sex couples, Obama said he "would need to evaluate the fiscal impact" of extending Social Security benefits to same-sex couples that married couples currently receive. Also Barack Obama (D-IL)involved in a suspicious real estate deal with an indicted political fundraiser, Antoin “Tony” Rezko. Obama also linked to an alleged influence peddling scandal and was nabbed conducting campaign business in his Senate office, a violation of federal law.

[cognate]

What's wrong with bed wetting?

Some of our greatest exponents of waterboarding were bed wetters.

[AlphaDoc]

>"Personally, I don't have anything against having a bed-wetter in the Oval Office," Sen. Clinton said.<
Well, I sure do. I wish they'd impeach the idiot and get him out of there already.
And by the way, I heard from a source close close to the Obama campaign that while he may have snorted cocaine when he was a youngster, he didn't inhale.

[itsnotmyfault]

I have been fearfull of this reality for quite sometime. Now with the release of this important revelation my fears have been fully realized. Obama is a closet Republican.

The little known fact is that the current occupant at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave was a chronic wetter of the bed until well into his adulthood. John McCain...bed wetter. Mitch McConnell...yes. John Cornyn... of course. Lindsey Graham sometimes wets himself while in session. Dick Cheney, "the cloven hoofed one", is incontinent.

Can we Americans afford to take the risk of four more years of the same. Policy making driven by shame and humiliation. I think not.

[darker]

Why is it nobody notices that G.lobal W.arming BUSH shits all over the U.S. Constitution daily?

It's a terrible DIARRHEA problem that can only
be cured by water-boarding.

[MRb1000]

Yeah she got this collection of dirt before OBAMA thought about running for President. This show how desperate she is. Well she is going to lose. Nasty, Nasty. Hillary has no since of decency about herself. All I can say is to tell those HILLBILLY'S TO GO HOME.

NASTY NASTY

NEXT THING YOU KNOW HILLARY AND BILL WILL BECOME PEEPING TOMS

[CatfishJohn]

..."HEY..Dis Joisey-born and raised guy- Real Jersey...S­witchblade Joisey...Turnpike Joisey (not the farms and soporific suburbs south of new brunswick, not the quiche and brie eggheads in and around Princeton not the mcmansions of wall st commuters in the lacrosee playing and volvo driving hills up north) still knows a few people up there whose name ends with a vowel who might not like your take on our Garden State...whats exactly wrong with growing up a pistol shot form the Oil refineries and turnpike???...the air was always colored and pungently sulfuric and the ethnic and racial fights always lively ...Now "Drive Safely" Sonny....and thanks for for your continual excellent contributions to the Huff Post

[nomobull]

thanks for the smile

[niikeb]

What I want to know is how Hillery digs this crap up. Does she have her people digging through his garbage every day?
Dig Dig...
No condoms? He must be against safe sex!
Dig Dig....
Oh wait heres one... He must be having an affair!... No wait its just part of the trash bag... go back to that first part and throw in some innuendo that hes having a un-safe affair. Yea maybe with a Muslim some... oh wait wasn't Hillery accused of that?
Maybe when we finish water boarding his old babysitter she will give us some better information.
Hey Mark Penn have you finished drug testing his septic tank yet?

[RuthieM]

Where did she get this from? Is she going to his grandmother getting all this stuff or something? Gee.

[QFE]

Fooled me again - which I love - unfortunately I'll probably start noticing your byline and expecting a joke.

[ednadumpling]

apparently Clinton was just echoing Obama's wife said he still leaves a warm wet spot