Hillary, Obama Get a Room

After two hours of a televised debate that many pundits characterized as a love-fest, Democratic presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton confirmed today that they have gotten a room.

Mr. Obama and Mrs. Clinton secured a room at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, conveniently located near the Kodak Theater where the CNN debate took place.

The extraordinary announcement came on the heels of a request made by millions of television viewers, who emailed CNN last night urging the Democratic rivals to get a room.

In a joint statement released by Mrs. Clinton and Mr. Obama this morning, the two presidential contenders said, "We have heard the voters loud and clear, asking us to get a room - and we have gotten that room."

After the couple released a photo of themselves in fluffy white hotel bathrobes, there was a palpable sense of relief in Democratic circles that the two senators had in fact gotten a room.

"It was a little uncomfortable watching the two of them up there together, barely keeping their hands off each other," said DNC chairman Howard Dean. "The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife."

As news spread of the candidates' decision to get a room, pundits speculated about what role former President Bill Clinton might play in such a room.

"I don't see him playing a role there," said Hillary biographer Carl Bernstein. "I think Bill Clinton respects the right of someone to get a room."

Elsewhere, advisors to G.O.P frontrunner John McCain have urged him to stop speaking in that spooky voice.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[vsign]

If Hillary is on top and Barack is on the bottom - it is very attractive to me. They look good together. If Barack is on top, I'll sit this election out. Barack has painted himself clean by painting Hillary as dirty. As a woman - this sounds too familiar to me. I don't like the way Barack has conducted his campaign against the Clintons. For example: "Young people unite and do away with the old people! Tear down the bridge to the past and follow me! I will deliver the power to you, you so deserve." Who said this? Isn't that what Barack is saying?

This election is like no other - it is exposing the great generational divide. I dare say it might be greater than the racial or sexual divides.

I used to think that I could not trust anyone over 30, because they must have sold out. Now I don't trust anyone under 30 to vote, because they must have sold out. Sold out? - sold out their ability to think and giving in to the media messages they carry around in their pockets like little red books.

Hillary is ready and prepared to make decisions on day one. I like her having President Clinton to consult intimately with. I like the stability of Hillary at the top of the ticket.

If Barack could be disciplined enough to prove himself over the next 8 years of a Hillary presidency, I would see him as more attractive.

[wry]

I wouldn't mind spending about a week in a hotel room with Barack Obama...

Did anyone see the Mad TV take off on this very idea?

I don't know how Hillary can stand it when he touches her. I'm voting for her for sure now. She clearly can handle nuclear war.

[winkwink]

bah hahahaha.... you touched my funny bone

[Fairfloss]

I couldn't resist it, I had to rip that picture and put it in a file. I need to go on a diet and who knows, with the help of that picture I could become as thin as....., ah, Ann Coulter.

[scruffyandspunky]

Can you imagine how beautiful their kids will be?!

[donaldw6]

Boy, did I need a laugh! Thanks! :)

[Sciguy]

Great column! As a Kucinich fan, then an Edwards fan, I hate to see the only 2 Dems left in the race getting all oogly-snoogly in public. They haven't got a dime's worth of difference between them, and I guess I'd rather see them talking reasonably than throwing stones that the Repubs can re-use later, but still... tell them to stay in their room until November, willya?

[ProgressiveNotLiberal]

Neither were going to piss off blacks or women as the backlash is the biggest can of whoop-ass there is. At least they spoke to the issues and the subtle differences between the two. Now just imagine who you want to listen to for the next four and possibly eight years? Imagine a SOTU address with each giving it. Just think about it for a while. Got it? Good!

[vbond]

A Room with a View, no doubt.

[rmajh5]

I always have room for a laugh or a smile whether it comes from a few lines from Andy Borowitz or an unintentional joke from President Bush.

Still, my main thought after last night's so-called "debate" between Obama and Clinton was more like "Now that was more like it. A conversation between two presidential candidates who actually sounded educated and reasonable. Who woulda thought?"

The lines are now drawn clearly. On one side, the likes of Romney, McCain, Huckabee and Paul with drivel enough to keep us all down on the farm; or Obama (my choice) and Clinton with imperfections, it is true, but seemingly more than enough good sense to allow for some true and needed growth in our political system.

Will the average Joe and Jane, the ones trying to live on poverty or near poverty level earnings who face rising health costs, rising college tuitions for their children and general economic disaster vote for their own interest in November, or will they leave it to the boys and girls on the highest rungs of the economic ladder to trickle down their profits into the needy hands of those at the bottom? Will the middle class, who make up a significant part of our voting population and who have yet to see their dream of rising to the level of the rich come into a fountain of common sense and vote for their true interest, a rebound of our economy that actually protects us all as a nation by making sure that those at the bottom have enough with no reason to want to tear us asunder? Will they also reject the very un-American concept of preemptive war and punish those who have cost us dearly in lives, money and reputation?

It is their choice. These economic lower and middle class citizens can call the tune for us. I am looking forward to reading about our decision on Wednesday, November 4.