Hillary Repackages Herself as a Black Man

In what some party insiders are calling a Hail Mary bid to win Tuesday's New Hampshire primary, Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton today attempted to repackage herself as a black man.

In the wake of her disappointing third-place finish in the Iowa caucuses, there was consensus among Mrs. Clinton's campaign aides that her presidential bid needed to be rebooted, but few party professionals expected her to change her race and sex with only five days to go until New Hampshire.

According to Clinton strategist Mark Penn, however, Mrs. Clinton's decision to become an African-American man was thoroughly consistent with her history as a "change agent."

"Hillary is all about change, and changing her race and sex is just the most recent example of that," he said.

Speaking at a rally in Manchester, New Hampshire, Mrs. Clinton thanked her supporters for "keeping it real" and promoted her just-released autobiography, "The Bodacicty of Hope."

"This election is about whether or not America is ready to elect a black man President of the United States," she said. "I believe I am that black man."

Meanwhile, former President Bill Clinton was dismissive of rival John Edwards' comparison of himself to Seabiscuit, remarking that "in addition to being a black man, Hillary has for many years been a world-class horse."

Mr. Clinton made his comments in an interview on PBS' "Charlie Rose Show," in which the former president, looking bleary-eyed and unshaven, touted Mrs. Clinton's victory in last year's Belmont Stakes.

Elsewhere, embattled G.O.P. presidential candidate Mitt Romney unveiled a new campaign slogan, "What the Huck?!"

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He hosts an all-new edition of "Next Week's News" starring Amy Sedaris. John Oliver (The Daily Show) and Christian Finnegan (VH1's Best Week Ever) at Comix on Thursday January 17 at 8 PM. Comix is located at 353 West 14th Street, just east of Ninth Avenue. For tickets, call 212-524-2500 or go to comixny.com. For a $5 discount, use the promotional code ANDY.

Comments

[GoCards1978]

LMAO, thanks for making my day!

[itsnotmyfault]

Thanks Andy.

This may well be the best election piece ever to appear on Huffpost and I am a supporter of that black man, Hillary Clinton.

[ifeelachange]

hahahaha. . .i knew it!

[joja]

Now, THAT'S funny!

[klosskid]

A "world class horse"? Well, maybe not the whole horse...

[AlphaDoc]

Why does that Steve Martin movie, The Jerk, come to mind? "I was born a poor black child."
Will history refer to this as Hillary's Minstrel Period?

[Tankan]

Looks like the Rudy Virus has spread to the Clinton camp!

Talk about a shape shifter!

[Sciguy]

Wonderful column. Thanks, I needed that!

You could be serious, though. Has anyone out there read "Black Like Me?" And don't forget - sex changes (permanent) and dildos (temporary) do exist. Perhaps if ALL the candidates simply pandered to the group they're in front of at the time... oh yeah, they do that already...

[Chocolate2008]

ROFLMAO!

I love it man.

"can ya dig it ?"

[retarius]

This is funny shit...sadly the irony of the constantly shifting positions and lack of authenicity of the American political class would be lost on the mass of voters...

[klondiker]

LOL! I think this one of your funniest ones yet!!!

[FearlessFreep]

Whenever I see an Andy Borowitz post, it takes me a moment to figure out that it's satirical rather than serious!

[UnrulyPeasant]

I used to suspect she was a man, but the black thing is new..

[Killer]

LMAO.

[TRYKER]

Hillary has an appointment for a weave near Bill's office in Harlem.
I think that should do it, yeah thats the ticket.