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Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz

Posted: June 3, 2009 01:01 PM

Kim Jong-Il: 'Time to Pass Torch to New Generation of Madmen'


North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il today named his son, Kim Jong-un, to succeed him as president, but reassured his nation, "Our rich tradition of lunacy and megalomania will continue."

The mercurial Kim had kept Western observers guessing for years about a possible succession plan, but in naming his son the North Korean tyrant declared, "It is time to pass the torch to a new generation of madmen."

According to a source close to the dictator, the young Kim Jong-un had long been considered a dark horse to replace his father, "but then in his twenties he showed signs of being a straight-up bananahead."

In making the switch, Kim Jong-Il is hoping that his son will appeal to a coveted demographic group, lunatics between the ages of 18 and 25.

Market research has shown that those younger madmen have been paying less attention to the dictator's public rants in recent years, drifting instead to computer games and the Internet.

The young Kim Jong-un appeared to acknowledge this group in his first public utterance today: "I know I have some crazy shoes to fill. You can expect me to carry on a lot of my dad's traditions, like firing missile tests on American holidays and shit like that. But I'll also be tweeting."

And while some members of the North Korean government privately worried that Kim Jong-un could not match his father's flair for insanity, they were encouraged today when he said that his first official act would be to "open a Chevy dealership."

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