My Script for "Mad Men"

DON: Oh, you know, complaining about being pregnant. I keep telling her, she's not smoking and drinking enough.
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INT. STERLING & COOPER - DAY

Roger is fixing a drink. Don sits at his desk, brooding.

ROGER
Polaroid's come out with a new camera that takes instant pictures. Who'll ever buy that?

DON
A sucker's born every minute. Dan Ellison at BBDO is actually trying to line up sponsors for a rock 'n' roll band from Liverpool, England.

ROGER
The world's gone mad, I tell you. How's Betty?

DON
Oh, you know, complaining about being pregnant. I keep telling her, she's not smoking and drinking enough.

ROGER
At least she's taking her Thalidomide.

Don broods.

FADE OUT

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.

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