Nader Announces Plan to Wreck Election

Appearing on NBC's Meet the Press today, consumer activist Ralph Nader told host Tim Russert that he has officially decided to wreck the 2008 presidential election.

Mr. Nader had been huddling with prominent crackpots over the weekend to determine whether he had enough support among his natural constituency, self-absorbed whack-jobs, to mount an entirely meaningless campaign.

"If I wreck the 2008 election, I intend to wreck it in all fifty states," Mr. Nader told Mr. Russert today. "I have no intention of being merely a regional spoiler."

When asked if his candidacy could hurt the chances of the first African-American nominee for president, Mr. Nader put his fingers in his ears and started going, "Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you."

But across the country, significant numbers of crackpots who have supported Mr. Nader in the past appeared to be cool to his latest bid to wreck a presidential election.

"If I'm going to waste my vote, I want to be sure I'm wasting it on the right wingnut," said longtime crackpot Stacy Klujian, who has supported Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex) in his 2008 campaign. "It is time for Ralph Nader to step aside for a new generation of bananaheads."

For his part, Mr. Nader said that he had already begun preparing for his latest run as a spoiler by sneaking up behind people who were watching No Country for Old Men and telling them how it ended.

"It wasn't as challenging as spoiling an entire election, but it was fun," he said.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Comments

[JonathanDS2U]

Here's our happy ending: Nader says Edwards was his kind of candidate, willing to make uncomprimising attacks on corporations. Obama makes Edwards the candidate for Vice President. Nader withdraws his bid for President!

Unless Nader was already asked about this and said no-go. I didn't read a transcript of the Nader interview (my apologies), I haven't the stomach, not since what resulted from his 2000 run.

[jqcitizen]

I wonder if it wouldn't be good to have a third political party in this country. One to represent the Republican true believers, one to represent the Democratic faithfull and another to actually represent the rest of us.

Congress, for the most part, today seems to spend more time representing 535 US citizens... THEMSELVES and their re-election, funded by their pals that steal from corporate shareholders.

[adled]

He's not a Democrat. If the people want the Democrats to win they will elect who ever represents the party. If the party wants to win they will put forth someone who can beat all comers. Last I heard it was a free country. He isn't offering the same policies as the democrats and republicans, thus he need not apoligize for running. People keep thinking he is betraying the Democratic party. That's like saying McCain is betraying the Democratic party. Maybe he is the only REAL agent of change. I have a suspicion that after 4 years of an Obama presidency when nothing really has changed people won't be shocked; merely dissapointed. The shock would be if he really does effect, change.
Ultimatly this may be good for Obama's campaign if he is intellectually open to Nader's concerns.

[flatus]

The real question is whether or not younger voters, recently touted as having a re-awaking, will turn out again or turn back inward to focus on sex.

[realitycheck7]

Ralph Nader is responsible for GWB beating Al Gore no matter how you rationalize or deny it.

That fact has canceled out all of the good that he has done in the past.

[longislandlol]

He won't hurt anyone-in- an Obama- McCain matchup-maybe in a Clinton-McCain-- it could hurt Clinton and give it to McCain

[haxman]

He is an idiot for running, he is not an idiot on several policy issues. Surely there is someway to be an advocate for your ideas without being a megalomaniac?

[nellieh]

Nader's announcement will have the same impact as the Patriots taking the last player in the last round of the NFL draft. "Mr. Irrelevant." He is becoming a clown. It is a shame watching him cling to his last remnants of credibility. How the once powerful has fallen. It's time for him to give it up. He will have NO influence this year. If the Democrats lose it will be from internal squabling and incompetence, not Nader.

[Cay]

Very good - I enjoyed! Keep these posts coming.

[jaycasey]

I really feel sorry for Nader. He was once such a respectable guy - now it's just rather pathetic. Please Ralph, get some dignity.

[fetchezlavache]

If Nader were serious about the issues he pushes, some of which are completely valid, he would have run for a lesser political office such as Rep or Senator. Ot he could have stayed with the Greens, but not as a presidential candidate. What he is doing is for no other reason than self-aggrandizement. How sad that this sort of thing will be his legacy.

[mrcontinental]

ROFLMAO!

[MHainds]

Can someone please go to Nader and explain the difference between Presidential elections in America, and elections in say, Italy.
Point #1, in America, in November we will elect a Democrat or a Republican. Nader can help to swing the vote to the Democrats by not running, or the Republicans by running.
Point #2, in Italy, the Fascists, the Communists, the Social Democrats, and twenty other parties form never-ending coalitions that could end up giving the Presidency to a fringe, Nader-like candidate
Nader should go to Naples. (Look that phrase up in Italian)

[laocoon]

Naples is a word derived from the greek "neo polis" meaning new city and was considered a greek city by the ancient romans.

[TheKat]

Andy,

You are really funny and I have to say that you've given me the only light moment in 24 hours since this horror.

What is with old white men anyway?

kitty

[AlphaDoc]

"Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you."

That was a test of his new campaign slogan.

[darker]

Ralph Nader is PHONY BALONEY. Narcissist Ralph crawls out of the woodwork before each election to get free publicity.

What's Ralph been doing BETWEEN elections? Obviously hitting the health clubs and living a nice lawyerly lifestyle. He hasn't been engaging in debate or even complained about the NUTCASE BUSH ADMINISTRATION, has het? No. Not a word out of Ralph!

"Victim"
Ralph hopes to squeeze votes from angry, "victim" voters and the undecideds who cannot vote without getting HYSTERICAL and crapping in their pants.

Be an ADULT. Be a practical voter. Leave the hysterics to your 2-year-old. Otherwise the person your vote will hurt will be YOU.