Appearing on NBC's Meet the Press today, consumer activist Ralph Nader told host Tim Russert that he has officially decided to wreck the 2008 presidential election.
Mr. Nader had been huddling with prominent crackpots over the weekend to determine whether he had enough support among his natural constituency, self-absorbed whack-jobs, to mount an entirely meaningless campaign.
"If I wreck the 2008 election, I intend to wreck it in all fifty states," Mr. Nader told Mr. Russert today. "I have no intention of being merely a regional spoiler."
When asked if his candidacy could hurt the chances of the first African-American nominee for president, Mr. Nader put his fingers in his ears and started going, "Lalalalalalalala I can't hear you."
But across the country, significant numbers of crackpots who have supported Mr. Nader in the past appeared to be cool to his latest bid to wreck a presidential election.
"If I'm going to waste my vote, I want to be sure I'm wasting it on the right wingnut," said longtime crackpot Stacy Klujian, who has supported Rep. Ron Paul (R-Tex) in his 2008 campaign. "It is time for Ralph Nader to step aside for a new generation of bananaheads."
For his part, Mr. Nader said that he had already begun preparing for his latest run as a spoiler by sneaking up behind people who were watching No Country for Old Men and telling them how it ended.
"It wasn't as challenging as spoiling an entire election, but it was fun," he said.
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jeffrey Toobin (CNN, bestselling author of The Nine. For tickets, go to 92y.org.
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