Next Week's News

Wednesday, June 13: At the G-8 Summit, President Bush will unveil a plan to phase out the environment by 2010.
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

The following is a forecast of next week's news for the week of Monday, June 11:

Monday, June 11: Bowing to a hot publishing trend, J.K. Rowling will rewrite the last installment of the Harry Potter series to make Hillary Clinton the villain.

Tuesday, June 12: A man wearing a weird white cape and hat will climb onto the Pope's vehicle and later be identified as the Pope.

Wednesday, June 13: At the G-8 Summit, President Bush will unveil a plan to phase out the environment by 2010.

Thursday, June 14: Nicole Richie will say that she does not know if she will have to go to prison, but just to be on the safe side she is starting a hunger strike now.

Friday, June 15: After being besieged by people claiming the $1 million reward for proof that they had sex with a congressman, Hustler publisher Larry Flynt will rephrase his offer, adding the words, "except Mark Foley."

Saturday, June 16: CNN will offer a new premium service in which it will broadcast the Democratic presidential debates but crop out former Sen. Mike Gravel (D-Alaska).

Sunday, June 17: For the second time in ten years, people around the world will get really sick of hearing the song Candle in the Wind.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com.

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot