Obama Converts to Judaism

Buffeted by criticism of his controversial Christian pastor while continuing to quell rumors that he is a Muslim, Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) took a bold step today to settle questions about his religious faith once and for all.

"I am converting to Judaism, effective immediately," Mr. Obama told reporters at a press conference in Scarsdale, New York, adding that he would change his middle name from "Hussein" to "Murray."

As a sign of commitment to his new faith, the Illinois Senator said that he anticipated being Bar Mitzvahed sometime between now and the crucial Pennsylvania primary and that he would no longer campaign on Saturdays.

In a subtle sign of the shift in his religious affiliation, Mr. Obama's signature catchphrase "Yes, we can," was nowhere to be found in his speech, replaced instead by "L'Chaim."

While some political observers praised Mr. Obama's conversion to Judaism as a shrewd tactic to put the issue of his religious identity to rest, the move raised the ire of one of his harshest critics, former Rep. Geradline Ferraro.

"Barack Murray Obama wouldn't be in the position he's in if he wasn't Jewish," said Ms. Ferraro to herself.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He is the host of "Countdown to '08" at the 92nd Street Y on Tuesday, May 13 at 8 PM with his special guests Susie Essman (HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm) and Jonathan Alter (Newsweek, MSNBC). For tickets, go to 92y.org.

Follow Andy Borowitz on Twitter: www.twitter.com/BorowitzReport

Comments

[mathpol]

While he's at it, Barack should change his middle name to Hosana, a nice Judeo-Christian name.
greg bachelis
www.mathpol.com

[AnninCA]

Funny article......thanks for the laugh.

[oracle99]

It worked for Sammy. No he is really a desendant of the 12 tribes of Israel.

[LeftLeanWing]

Will his Bris be held at the Senate building ?

[Hollyse]

Smiling right now...Andy... Humor depends on if a person starts their week on a Tuesday instead of a Monday. Most people are in better spirits on a Tuesday. So if there's time on Friday to fit in Monday then go ahead and include at the end of the week.

[LDW]

This is a very shrewd move by Barak Obama. Now he can start hiding his bald spot under a kippah!

[BrooklynLager]

Am I the only one who remembers when Hillary Clinton ran for Senate in New York, she "discovered" that she had a long-lost Jewish uncle?

The worst part about it is I have no way of knowing whether it's true or not.

[EmilyMP]

GnitenGoodLk:

Don't forget that Jesus was Jewish.

[GnitenGoodLk]

Which is why i love the guy Emily...never forgot. Oh, and I was referencing all the comments I was receiving that Obama was a messiah...­etc...just good fun. The board got so serious for awhile. this post was great. Looking forward to more ;)

[elkabong]

I'm gonna plotz from the this ferkakta election, yo! - with all the kibbitzing from the mishpucha and homeslices. For shizzle! 24/7 shlemiels and shmendriks with their kvelling and kvetching over my mensch Baruch! They're all gonna make me mishugenah, up in here, up in here.

[HAP]

Hey man, he already was Jewish

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/harold-pollack/now-it-must-be-told-bara_b_83469.html

[carmen63]

Ha,ha,ha! Very funny, he has a good sense of humor!

[riconap]

From jest often comes truth! Ironically, Obama would NOT be a viable candidate and would most certainly not have gotten this far if he was Jewish. Based on the significant amount of anti semitic activity and anti Jewish bigotry in existence throughout this country, there is no way he would have garnered 90% of the African American vote and a respectable percentage of the non-ethnic white American vote as he has accomplished as a bi-racial candidate.

[starboymikey]

At last I can take him home to meet my parents.

[RogerBurke]

As we Jews from Texas like to say, "Chhhhhhhh­hhhhhhhhow­dy !
And on St. Patrick's Day, yet.
Say 3 Hail Murrays and plant a tree.

-------- THE CHUCK WAGON AIN't KOSHER --------
-- By Roger Bururke (Obama)
-- aka A. Buck Short, last of the Jewish cowboy poets

Ah chick’n was circlin’ the sky….
[OK get that mental image in your head right now.]
A chick’n was circlin’ the sky.
I didn’t care, I didn’t know why.
It’ wasn’t my bird, so I said not a word,
Because, well, I’m just that kinda’ guy.

I felt the same way ‘bout the skunk I hit that day ,
With my car on the way to Sundance.
Hundred-one in the shade, and the roadkillI splayed,
Smelled just like a poop in my pants.

I had all I could take of the salt in the lake,
The cottonwood trees, hoof-in-mouth disease,
The big western skies, little buffalo pies.

You know that the prairie’s a little bit scary
For Jews who just won’t go outdoors.
Let the gentiles farm. We stay out of harm,
And sell them supplies from our stores.

So don’t think it’s strange we’re not home on the range.
We won’t leave our houses, we don’t rustle cow-ses,
And we wouldn’t fess up if we did.
We don’t hold up trains, we just use our brains,
Like that hombre named “Billy the Yid.”

So give us a home, were the cattle don’t roam ,
And the herd isn’t makin’ a racket
No mountain range thrills, like the New York Catskills,
Where the only wild thing’s Buddy Hackett.

And don’t bury me on da western prairie,
With a a poem or ah funeral hymn.
Just fill up my box with some bagels, some lox,
And last rights from a rabbi named “Shlim.”

I’m allergic to hay and to horses that neigh,
And to being way out in the west.
So find me a gal at the OK Corral,
With a six-pointed star on her chest.

There are few western Jews without similar views,
Pay attention, and hear what I say.
With ten-gallon skull caps and a nice pair of chaps,
We’ll be yodelin’ “Yippie –oy-vey.”

--- A ST. PATRICK’S DAY MIRACLE ---
Near Death Experience -- I’ve been attacked by a crazed rabbi – but who hasn’t? He was offended by my act – but who isn’t? In a fit of rage he hurled a copy of the Old Testament at me – all 5 books. One of them hit me square in the chest. Luckily, I happened to be carrying a bullet in my left breast pocket. Had it not been for the bullet, that bible might have pierced my heart. A.B.S,

[ssg13565]

If he had a sex change operation, he could be the first African-American,
Jewish, Woman President.