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Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz

Posted: July 23, 2009 08:05 AM

Obama Proposes Replacing Anesthesia with Press Conferences


President Barack Obama made a bold new health care proposal last night, saying that the nation could save billions annually by replacing anesthesia with press conferences.

"Instead of administering costly anesthetics, a doctor could simply pipe in a few minutes of me talking about electronic medical records," Mr. Obama said. "I guarantee you, that patient will be out cold."

The president said that clinical trials showed that patients who are exposed to one of his pressers usually lose consciousness within three minutes, "just like Helen Thomas does."

Mr. Obama's press conference appears to have been a big success, with a new poll showing that 57% of Americans favor the President's health care plan "if he will promise to stop talking about it."

Elsewhere, just days after he was released from prison, Michael Vick said he had nothing to do with the death of the Taco Bell Chihuahua. More here.

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