O.J. Authors "If I Robbed Them"

Just days after being arrested for armed robbery of sports memorabilia, former football great O.J. Simpson announced today that he was the author of a new book entitled, "If I Robbed Them."

Speaking at a press conference in Las Vegas, Mr. Simpson described his latest literary venture, which he called "an attempt to get inside the mind of someone who would commit armed robbery of sports memorabilia."

"Personally, participating in armed robbery of sports memorabilia is something that I would never do," Mr. Simpson said. "That's what made writing this book such a challenge, imagination-wise."

Legal experts questioned the wisdom of Mr. Simpson's decision to author this latest tome, since the publication of a book about a hypothetical incident of armed robbery of sports memorabilia could potentially make a jury suspect that Mr. Simpson himself had participated in such a crime, should his case someday go to trial.

But the former Heisman trophy winner's new book received a vigorous defense from its publisher, Judith Regan, who said she came out of retirement to publish Mr. Simpson's latest effort.

Sitting by Mr. Simpson's side at the press conference, Ms. Regan said that readers of "If I Robbed Them" would recognize the "honesty and forthrightness that have become synonymous with O.J. Simpson."

"I've been a publisher for a long time, and I've never encountered an author as truthful as O.J.," she said. "Well, maybe James Frey."

Elsewhere, one week after the New England Patriots stole signals from the New York Jets, Patriots coach Bill Belichick was still unable to explain why anyone would want to steal signals from the Jets.

Andy Borowitz is a comedian and writer whose work appears in The New Yorker and The New York Times, and at his award-winning humor site, BorowitzReport.com. He appears with Arianna Huffington and Mo Rocca at the 92nd Street Y in NYC on Wednesday Nov 7 at 8 PM. For tickets go to 92y.org.

Comments

[mouselion]

It's amazing how you can be called "white" when you're a Cherokee with a white father, a "white" (because of your white skin) with a "black" father, etc., etc., --you get all the racial prejudices thrown at you from people on "all sides" not knowing "who you are".

It's kind of like writing in this blog. You could be any ethnicity -- but people judge you by your "race" according to how they judge your opinion.

Throwing prejudiced statements at people according to what you think they're trying to say shows that you can't argue the points without making racial --or otherwise-- personal slurs. Weak.

[WolfLarsen]

Us white people? How do you know what our ethnicity is? Maybe were just PEOPLE that hate to see someone who cut off two heads get away with it. I can't remember the last time someone wealthy or not walked after decapitating two people, with the exception of OJ that is. Please if you can cite another example let me know and I will rip that idiot a new one too. The sad fact is the one African American that should have went to prison didn't, while dozens who don't deserve it are railroaded everyday. Save your outrage for those that deserve it, and it ain't OJ. I was pissed that OJ walked and I am pissed every time an innocent person loses their freedom because of their skin color! There are enough injustices in this world without adding OJ to the mix.

[Waitaminute]

Yeah, we don't hear anything about this blake character, do we? Its good to have the power of the media and law enforcement on your side to reap revenge. With no power you're invisible. 13 YEARS LATER AND WE STILL HEAR ABOUT O.J..

Law enforcement took revenge against blacks all over the country, because of the anger they had over the O.J. VERDICT.
Its all about the race of the person accused and the race of the victims, isn't it?

[NKVD4ever]

"If" or "When"?
BwaaaaaHaaHaaHaa!

[fran]

{if} I ROBBED THEM!

[Thorn]

Andy Borowitz is one of the wittiest writers working today. He classes up this entire site.

[cplKlyde]

What is it with you white people and OJ? Oh that's right no wealthy person ever got away with a crime before OJ and none have since.

[Cybesq]

Not all white or black people support wealthy people getting away with crimes and not receiving the appropriate punishment.

I would say that these are people with honor and integrity.

Too bad there are some people (see if mirror applies) who seem to feel that slitting the throats of two innocent people is racial injustice payback.

Which camp are you in? What is it with you assholes?

[TOOO]

You keep forgetting: OJ is a celebrity, and a football hero on top of that. It was never about race - until Johnny Cochrane played the race card on an (almost) all black jury.

If I recall correctly, almost no-one - of any color - thought OJ innocent, until Mr. Cochrane brought up race. Then, suddenly, guilt or innocence was split right down along racial lines.

[louisianalass]

The way you phrased your sentence implies that you think OJ DID get away with a crime, which of course he did but I thought only 'us white people' thought that.

[NKVD4ever]

What is it with you white people and OJ? How about the fact that he killed two people in cold blood! It does not matter what happened in any other cases, the fact is that two people are dead, and murder is wrong, or do you just think that it is okay because he killed two white people?

[LisaP]

Ummm...I think it's the FACT that he practically decapitated the mother of his two children while they slept, not to mention his murder of the ultimate in-the-wro­ng-place-a­t-the-wron­g-time good samaritan, Ron Goldman. Show me anybody who's ever gotten away with that exact crime besides simpson.

[WolfLarsen]

If there is any justice in the world OJ will be struck dead jaywalking by a Bookmobile delivering copies of his latest tome, "And The Killer Is...." ghostwritten by Johnny Cochrane.

[jennmce]

I just long for the day where Fred Goldman finally gets fed up and shoots OJ Simpson to death, and then we never have to see or hear about this story again.

[louisianalass]

but ..but...if someone kills OJ, who will be left to look for Nicole's killer? (tongue in cheek). Maybe that's where OJ thought her killer was, in the room with his sports memorabilia. Yes, I'm sure that's it.

[RobertPaul]

Ah yes, OJ!

What the title should be is:
"If I was stupid enough to murder someone and write a book about it and not get any money for it, why wouldn't I be stupid enough to do it again?"

An instant best seller I'm sure.

The Goldman family will undoubtedly appreciate the effort.

[TERRYKEITH4]

Yes! "If you buy it".

[charon]

I thought the title was "I Robbed Them" until I noticed the "if," printed in tiny red letters that fit inside the "I," made it a conditional phrase.

[PollM]

Still after him.....

Do you believe that this story is about memorabilia robbery or about Nicole murder...... ----------> http://www.youpolls.com/details.asp?pid=519

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