Palin Issues Thankfulnesses List

"I have thankfulness that we live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, even though Todd has never done so actually."
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.

WASILLA (The Borowitz Report): One day before Thanksgiving, Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today issued the following "thankfulnesses list":

This being my list of the thankfulnesses I'm tapping into this year...

I have thankfulness that we have a President who is learning to celebrate our American holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas also, even though he didn't have either of those days when he was growing up in Kenya.

I have thankfulness that we live in a country where we have the freedom to speak, even though Todd has never done so actually.

I have thankfulness that little Falcon was found safe and sound in that box, being that I was worried sick about him flying around in that balloon.

I have thankfulness for all of those Jewish settlements on the West Bank, seeing that Jewish people will be flocking to the Holy Land to celebrate Thanksgiving.

I have thankfulness also for the new drapes I installed in my house to keep the Russians from peeping in.

I have thankfulness that Levi posed in Playgirl, and I'm sure all the gay men who read Playgirl have thankfulness for that also.

I have thankfulness also that Levi's mom has been put in prison so I don't have to worry about her selling drugs to Willow or Piper.

And finally, I have thankfulness for all of the good people who read my book, and for the person who wrote it also. More here.

Popular in the Community

Close

What's Hot