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Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz

Posted: July 31, 2009 12:39 PM

President While Black


Sometimes I depart from writing fake news when the real news is too ridiculous to top. This is one of those times.

Barack Obama sure knows how to throw a bad party. Last night's Rose Garden get-together was the most awkward beer bash in history. It was as if Obama invited a couple over and didn't know they were exes. Good times.

Seriously, this was our teachable moment? What exactly were we taught -- that racism can be fixed with a cringe-inducing photo op?

I'm not saying that the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, in his own home and after providing ID, was racist. I wasn't there so I don't know. Only Officer Crowley knows. But as Obama correctly said in his press conference last week, black men are too often pulled over by cops because of race. (Actually, everything he said about the Gates case in that press conference was correct, including his use of the word "stupidly." Too bad he was cowed into retracting it.)

The phenomenon called "Driving While Black" is nothing new. But now the so-called Birthers have come up with a novel variation on it: President While Black. They are essentially pulling Obama over and asking him to show his license and registration.

Here's my teachable moment: let's not be afraid to use words like "stupid" and "racist" when they apply; let's stop using the word "post-racial" altogether; and please, just when the conversation is starting to get interesting, let's not settle it over a few beers. More here.

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01:36 PM on 08/01/2009
I had to re-post this as an I told you so moment. Back when Hillary and Barack were battling it out for the democratic nomination I was a Hillary supporter. After she went down I threw my support behind Obama as I had promised. But this whole birther thing reminded me of something I said to a young liberal who was arguing that if Hillary was elected all the turmoil would start again. Here's an excerpt from my response:

"You think the Republicans aren't gonna come out with all kinds of false accusations against Obama? You look at it right now and Obama looks cleaner than Hillary, but then he hasn't been down in the trenches fighting tooth and nail for us for twenty years either."

And you can beleive that after the "birther" bull#@it dies out the Republicans will come with something else.
If anything good comes out of this maybe it will be that some of the younger liberals who only remember the accusations the conservatives made, will look on the Clintons in a new light.
10:52 AM on 08/01/2009
Great analogy...except when you're pulled over and asked to produce required documents, you produce them. Personally, I don't think there's anything to the birth certificate issue, but Obama's reluctance to produce it is fueling the controversy (I'm talking about the long-form certificate or vault copy). But the issue is broader than that. There is a large group of people in this country that are opposed to Obama on grounds that have nothing to do with his race. 48% of the people who went to the polls last year did not vote for him. Andy, and many others on this site, seems to believe that those millions of Americans that did not vote for Obama then or oppose him now are racists. Now, statistical odds say that some are indeed racists, but to paint every person that opposes Obama and every event involving a White person and a minority as racially biased or motivated is hyperbole in the extreme. For a group that claims to be more open-minded, intelligent, and tolerant, than the rest of us, you liberals see life situations in the most narrowest of terms (i.e. racial), display an awful lack of common sense (being belligerent with a cop), and brook no dissent from the party line (Blacks with other than liberal opinions called uncle toms). So who really has the problem here?
09:04 AM on 08/01/2009
...and the driver can't produce his license and registration.
10:32 AM on 08/01/2009
The driver produced state issued license and registration bu the racist, ignorant cop refuses to accept it - to use and correct ur analogy.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Balzac
10:42 AM on 08/01/2009
I agree Andy. I don't think Barack was settling it over a few beers but he knows how to let the pressure drop. Now the issue is no longer bound to a pair of personalities so it can be abstracted and comprehended without two individuals' careers hanging in the balance.
06:39 AM on 08/01/2009
"They are essentially pulling Obama over and asking him to show his license and registration."

Brilliant. That's exactly it.

The good news is they are increasingly painting themselves into a corner. A shrinking southern old white male corner.
08:01 AM on 08/01/2009
Agreed! Except for this: they are no "asking," they are DEMANDING to see his license and registration. But a great analogy.
12:45 AM on 08/01/2009
My knee-jerk reaction to any column like this is to jump on and basically say "you're seeing racism where there isn't any." But if that poll that showed 50% of republicans doubt Obama's citizenship is accurate, I'm gonna have to just thank you for the commentary.
11:34 PM on 07/31/2009
If you read the Gates’ police report the crime was offending a police officer. I this is the real issue and indeed the charges were dropped because, as far as I know, it is not illegal to be rude to a police officer.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
NoSandwiches
09:18 PM on 07/31/2009
excellent point from an unexpected source.
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CalDemo
Watch Where You Step
08:51 PM on 07/31/2009
On Chris Matthews' show, MSNBC, they showed the results of the most recent "birther" survey, and found majority of the wingnut believers reside in the South, Is any link between racism, the southern stronghold of the republican party and those who want most to discredit Obama's legitamacy a conicidence or providence.
07:55 PM on 07/31/2009
I think the birthers are equivalent to the 9/11 truthers who though President Bush was behind the attack. There will always be nut.ters out the who believe conspiracy gar.bage. The only reason race plays into this is because you want it to.
08:20 PM on 07/31/2009
Great point!
11:28 PM on 07/31/2009
These two are very separate. The†birthers†have not presented anything tangible to prove that the president was born anywhere other than the USA. For the most part, the “9/11 truthers†have presented evidence of discrepancies between the 9/11 report and the things that actually happened on that horrific day. Yes, there are some that accuse the government of participation in a “cover upâ€, but most merely want an objective review of the evidence.
12:47 AM on 08/01/2009
No you argument is the same as theirs. They just want an "objective review of the birth certificates."

It's amazing you can't see that.
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Scooterfoot
My micro-bio is empty!
05:31 PM on 07/31/2009
When did the word "stupid" come to be so antagonistic? Especially...when used correctly.

When do you think Obama can speak and not have anyone comment negatively? Maybe his press conferences and speeches should be MadLib...you fill in the blanks.
05:29 PM on 07/31/2009
They are essentially pulling Obama over and asking him to show his license and registration.

Amen, that is exactly what they are doing. You hit the nail on the head.
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05:13 PM on 07/31/2009
Hadn't thought of that. Yes, the birthers already "know" Obama is illegitimate in some way; they'll just keep going until they make it stick, ie bring him down. If they have to "plant" something on him, so be it.

In terms of politics, though, he was smart to have the beer sit down. The sad fact is he can't stop the careful strategizing necessary to keep uneasy white people in the middle from political white flight.
05:07 PM on 07/31/2009
Enable some comments on your comedy posts. They're genius!
03:20 PM on 07/31/2009
The lesson is that, although the politics of white insecurity dictate he raises a black finger instead of a black fist, by having this beer summit with the black president and accomplished black professor at the white house, despite losing the racial pr battle, at the end of the day it's not worth taking too serious, he's still president, still relaxing and laughing it off.
03:20 PM on 07/31/2009
the birthers want to keep this issue alive until the next presidential election when they can razz Obama about it in a national context. of course elected republicans will go along. maybe they'll even get enough support to force a vote on the posey bill.