02/09/2010 08:46 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Tiger Cured of Sex Addiction by Watching John Edwards Tape

HATTIESBURG, MISS (The Borowitz Report) - In what has been described as a miracle cure in the annals of sex addiction, Tiger Woods has reportedly been cured of his sex addiction by repeated viewings of the John Edwards sex tape.

"We basically had the thing playing on a loop," said Dr. Tracy Klugian, one of the doctors at the Pine Grove Behavior Health and Addiction Services clinic, where the golf legend was undergoing treatment for sex addiction. "He kept screaming, 'I can't take it anymore,' but we refused to unstrap him."

Speaking briefly to reporters upon his release from the clinic, Mr. Woods confirmed that viewing the Edwards sex tape was "a traumatic experience," adding, "I may never have sex again." More here.