NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - Tiger Woods took the first step towards rehabilitating his image today as he recorded a public service announcement about the dangers of texting while married.
"I'm Tiger Woods," the golf legend says in the spot, which is to be aired on all the major broadcast and cable networks. "Texting while married is not only stupid, it's dangerous - you can wind up totaling your car."
Mr. Woods ends the fifteen-second PSA by saying, "So don't text while married. Will you do me that favor? Quickly. Huge."
Moments after taping the PSA, Mr. Woods told reporters he felt "great" about doing it, adding, "If taping that PSA saves just one Escalade, it will have been worth it."
Elsewhere, in an advance copy of his State of the Union address, President Obama tells the American people that he has not "jumped the shark." More here.