To Boost Ratings, CNN Proposes Putting Miners Back One by One

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) -- After watching its ratings sag in the aftermath of its wall-to-wall coverage of the Chilean miners' rescue, CNN today floated the idea of lowering the miners back into the mine in a bid to goose its Nielsen numbers.

"Like our viewers, we were riveted by the drama of the miners emerging from that mine," said recently installed CNN chief Ken Jautz. "We're willing to bet it would be just about as dramatic to see the miners lowered back into the mine one by one."

While CNN has not yet reached out to the miners in order to gauge their interest in a return visit to the mine in which they were trapped for seventy days, "I'll bet the ones with the mistresses and angry wives would be up for it," Mr. Jautz said.

The executive added that if the miners were unwilling to be lowered back into the mine, CNN did have a Plan B: "We'll put Spitzer down there." More here.

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