NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) - With only one day to go before Michael Jackson's memorial ceremony in Los Angeles, people around the world are eagerly awaiting the return of news coverage of anything else.
From London to New York to Tokyo, viewers who have been mourning the death of network news were counting down the hours until the Michael Jackson tributes are over.
Tracy Klugian, 37, a hardware salesman in Brookline, Massachusetts, has been holding a candlelight vigil for the news ever since the 24/7 Michael Jackson coverage began.
"I'm really looking forward to hearing what's been going on in the rest of the world," said Mr. Klugian, who is planning to take his family on vacation to Honduras. More Andy Borowitz here.
Andy Borowitz is a comedian and the author of "Who Moved My Soap? The CEO's Guide to Surviving in Prison: The Bernie Madoff Edition."