THE BLOG
05/25/2010 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Other GOP Amendments Added to Derail Health Care Reform

GOP Senators proposed some creative amendments to tack onto the Health Care Reform bill in an effort to derail the momentum of its passage. These amendments included prohibiting the coverage of Viagra for child molesters as well as the funding of the activist group ACORN. The idea is that by voting NAY on these amendments, ultimately in support of the Health Care Reform bill, Democratic senators are somehow defending ACORN or child molestation. Here are other, less publicized amendments the GOP proposed.

There's an amendment to...
  • ban the eating and/or smelling of ones own farts, that this Congressional body assumes you find to be delicious.
  • prohibit the potential future election of a zombie or cyborg Hitler.
  • fund the development of a world peace-creating or global joy-making device.
  • fund an effort to pants Glenn Beck, with possible subsidies for an atomic wedgie.
  • fund the crane needed to pants Rush Limbaugh.
  • establish as a matter of record that America is not bffs with the terrorists.
  • create an effort to eliminate sadness in orphanages across the nation.
  • fund the proliferation of doe eyes in conjunction with cute, batting eye lashes.
  • prohibit the handout of free, loaded guns to unbalanced, repeat sex offender nazis with terrific aim.
  • capture any remaining evil spirits of Pol Pot, Stalin, Mussolini, Pontius Pilate, Voldemort, Sauron or Megatron so that they might not possess the bodies of those currently in positions of power.
  • love freedom and liberty and America's ability to create awesome new words like "freeberty."
  • build a time machine to go back and save Jesus and in turn democracy, baseball, and apple pie.
  • stop GOP senators from being the nude models of a drawing class held on the senate floor every hour on the hour until the health care bill is repealed.
  • prohibit the production of a GOP porno entitled Congressional Bodies.
  • stop GOP leaders from killing a puppy every hour on the hour until the health care bill is repealed.
  • prohibit the construction of a third Death Star.
  • stop GOP leaders from revealing that Santa Claus doesn't exist to a class of grade school children every hour on the hour until the health care bill is repealed.

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