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Congratulations, Homophobes, You've Prevailed in Florida, Arizona and California!

12/08/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

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Religious fanatics rejoice! You did it! You won! You've succeeded in getting amendments passed in Florida, Arizona and California banning same-sex marriage! This is your crowning moment! Rejoice, for you have now rid your states of the evils of homosexuality! There'll be no more gays around to threaten your heterosexuality and your marriages. Not at the office, on the street, in restaurants, on public transportation...anywhere! They're gone! You don't have to see them, talk to them, hear them, read about them, watch them hold hands or kiss in public, work out at the gym next to them or dance next to them at clubs. From this point on, Florida, Arizona and California will be homo-free states, right?

Er...wait a second. I think I may have gotten that all wrong. Sorry. They'll still be around. Everywhere. Living next door, working in the next cubicle, eating at the next table, shvitzing in the steam room with you. They'll still be in relationships, still be adopting children together, and they'll still be gay. Oh yeah, there's still gonna be boatloads of gay sex, my friends. In fact, while you definitely made it impossible for them to get married, they'll still have commitment ceremonies and engage in civil unions. But wait. What's really changed then? Nothing. That's right. Nothing's changed, and nothing's gonna change. All your efforts are just a big fat homophobic waste of time and money. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

That you all feel so threatened by homosexuality, and by how much it supposedly threatens your straight marriages, makes me believe there's some skeletons in that closet of yours that you're running from. And we all know which "closet" I'm referring to.