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Republicans Flip-Flop for McCain

07/30/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

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The Republican campaign charade is finally drawing to an end. One by one, prominent conservatives are "coming around" to the candidacy of Sen. John McCain after excoriating him for months as nothing more than a liberal in sheep's clothing. Did anyone really doubt this would happen? Did Democrats get fooled into thinking die-hard right-wingers like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter, Tom DeLay and James Dobson would actually stay home on election day or, worse, vote for Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama? Get real. That was the absolute worst demonstration of feigned objectivity in the history of American politics. The truth is, Republicans belong to a cult, unlike Democrats, who, albeit in an often disjointed, politically inexpedient manner, relish freedom of thought, dissent, and choice. And at the end of the day, the cult members follow their leader. And come election day, they will march in lockstep to the polls and robotically throw their support to the same guy who they've been saying will be a "disaster" for the party. They'll follow McCain and his partisan pipe into the death water just like The Pied Piper's rats.

To be sure, the party is coalescing around McCain, the same candidate whom they've relentlessly vilified over his positions including immigration, campaign finance and torture. But now he's their guy when it comes to taxes, the war, fighting terrorism, marriage and abortion ... yada, yada, yada. The latest flip-flopper is Dr. James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family. Dobson, heretofore highly critical of McCain, appeared on Hannity's radio program last week extolling the candidate's many conservative virtues. And Hannity joined the lovefest. It was Republican hypocrisy at its finest: two of the party's most cultish figures engaged in newfound hero-worship of their devil incarnate.

And incredible hypocrisy it was/is. Dobson's 180 on McCain, he said, is because the candidate shares many views, especially those on key social issues. For example, said Dobson, Obama "has the most radical views on marriage," unlike McCain. Oh really? Last time I checked, Obama is in a happy, respectful marriage and has never been divorced. To the contrary, McCain not only divorced his first wife Carol, but he allegedly cheated on her with his current wife, Cindy, who he married at 43 when she was just 26 (McCain and Carol stopped living together in January 1980. He married Cindy five months later. You fill in the blanks). Who's the "radical?" If "protecting marriage" is truly Dobson's motive, then it should be clear which candidate he and Focus on the Family should support, right? But we all know when it comes to Republican politics it's "do as I say not as I do."

Personally, I never really got the whole "protecting marriage" mantra. It's sheer hypocritical, convoluted narrow-minded bullshit spewed by a bunch of uptight, twisted, homophobic, controlling old white men (or, as in the case of Sen. Larry Craig, closeted gays). What are these fanatics really trying to say, that only heterosexuals can enjoy a healthy, productive, successful marriage? Well, tell that to Nicole Simpson, or Laci Peterson, or Ted Ammon, or Mary Jo Buttafuoco or Hedda Nussbaum or Christie Brinkley or Suzanne Craig or Jackie Battley (Gingrich) or Marianne Ginther (Gingrich) or Hillary Clinton or any other lesser-known spouse who's been killed, beaten and/or cheated on by their "normal, heterosexual" mate. When, on a good day, 50% of all straight marriages end in divorce, just what exactly are these Republican hypocrites protecting? Perhaps it's time to let gays get a legitimate, legal crack at this sacred institution. They can't do any worse.

As for McCain and his flip-floppin' Republican detractors, you can be sure he'll continue to capture more of their support, passion and votes as election day nears. Because that's what Republicans do. It's what cult members do. They do what they're told. And what they're very effectively being told right now by their elected leaders, their TV and radio hosts, and by their religious and spiritual leaders is that Obama's the new D.C. devil, and McCain, well, he ain't so bad after all.