07/16/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Republicans Gone Wild!


It began in November with the stunning and historic presidential victory of Barack Obama and the sweeping democratic landslides in both the House and Senate. Ever since, Republicans have been acting like a bunch of jilted lovers hanging around the water-cooler disparaging their ex's in ways ranging from the vile and vitriolic to the sophomoric and absurd. In both cases, lies and deception have been at the core. I'm embarrassed for these pathetic cry-babies. Grown men and women acting like desperate fools; political chickens-without-heads grasping at any straw they can find, no matter how ridiculous, hypocritical or untrue, to take down Obama and his nascent administration. They're not just "The Party of No," they're "The Party of Nasty, Mean-Spirited Pricks."

The right-wing attack machine is in high-gear, throwing all sorts of inflammatory rhetoric around like it was the '08 campaign all over again. According to these shameless sore-losers, Obama's a socialist who's nationalizing everything. Obama's destroying the economy. Obama's more dangerous to America than al Qaeda. Obama's Supreme Court pick, Sonia Sotomayor, is a racist. Obama's responsible for Rev. Jeremiah Wright's latest round of anti-Semitic hate-speak. Obama's spending too much taxpayer money on helicopters. Obama can't speak without a teleprompter. Obama's got his feet up on the Oval Office desk.

And check out this cesspool of lies masquerading as righteous indignation from conservative talking head Sean Hannity last Friday:

"Obama is all doom and gloom, doom and gloom, doom and gloom." (Kind of like Bush/Cheney's WMD mushroom clouds, Sean?)

"They're fear-mongers." (Wow, if that ain't the pot calling the kettle black, huh Sean?)

"He's flying off to Europe to dump on America. He's flying off to the Middle East to dump on America." (Or maybe, Sean, he's flying abroad to repair America's image which has been significantly damaged by Bush/Cheney's mind-numbing arrogance and reckless foreign policy?)

"He's too busy playing golf every weekend. Too busy going to New York to go out with his wife. Too busy flying his whole family to France." (Really Sean? Golf every weekend? That's an outright lie. And, there was one night out in New York and one trip to France to honor America's fallen soldiers on D-Day. Did it bother you when Bush spent more time in Crawford, TX than in the White House?)

"Folks, he's destroying America as we know it." (Hey Sean, the economy's starting to recover and the stock markets have been on a 3-month tear. The credit markets have loosened; construction spending is up; foreclosures have declined; retail sales are at a 3-month high; almost a third of the banking industry's TARP funds have been re-paid with interest; and consumner confidence is up. Yup, America's really in bad shape under Obama)

"He's more radical than we even thought he could be." (Nice try, Sean. Many of his most ardent supporters are upset with his centrist policies)

"He's emboldening enemies like North Korea." (Care to give us some actual, factual specifics Sean?)

"Obama's pushing for Soviet-style health care." (More like British, French and Canadian, Sparky)

(Coughing) "Sorry, I got something caught in my throat." (Yeah Sean, it's called bullshit. You're coughing on your own bullshit, Hannity).

Ok, I just have one thing to say about Sean Hannity, the man his loyal Kool-Aid-drunken listeners greet with "You're a great American" every time they call his right-wing-ragefest of a radio program: He is anything but a great American. He is a despicable human being who spews lies and deception with reckless abandon and with no regard for America's health, welfare or security. He is as unpatriotic as they come.

Another thing that's gotten Republicans' collective panties in a snit this past week was the Sarah Palin/David Letterman "scandal." The host of "CBS's Late Night" made some off-color jokes about the Alaska Governor and her daughter (he didn't specify which one, 18-year-old Bristol or 14-year-old Willow). Funny how a party that's offered the American public absolutely nothing to improve education, health care, the environment or the economy can spend so much fucking time and energy on Letterman's Top Ten List.

The Conservative Army came out in force to defend Palin, the gal they call "the future" of their diseased party. In her syndicated column Saturday, pundit Michelle Malkin skewered Letterman for "sexist and sick" jokes, closing with "Letterman reminds me of the lecher at the school bus stop. Or the aging creep lurking in the dirty magazine section at the 7-Eleven." Regardless of whether Letterman was offbase or not--and one could argue his only crime was of joking in poor taste--he certainly doesn't deserve Malkin's not-so-thinly-veiled pervert and pedophile references. Malkin needs to be reminded that it's hard to cry foul when, in her harsh criticism, she resorts to the same sort of personal attacks for which she crucifies Letterman. But why should we be surprised at Malkin's hypocrisy? She's a card-carrying member of the Republicans' "Do as I say, not as I do" club.

And here's a little message for Palin: If you're gonna parade your daughter around the campaign trail, touting her unwed pregnancy as an admirable teenage virtue, then you deserve whatever mockery comes your way, from Letterman or elsewhere.

Now there was one breath of fresh conservative air this week, and it surprisingly came in the form of satirist/writer/journalist P.J. O'Rourke on Friday's "Real Time with Bill Maher" on HBO. O'Rourke was challenged by fellow guest and host of MSNBC's "Hardball," Chris Matthews, who noted that Obama gets criticized by conservatives no matter what he does. "If he bails out GM and Chrysler you guys say he's a socialist. If he let's them fail, you're gonna criticize him for that too." Replied O'Rourke incredulously, "Of course we are, we're Republicans! What do you want us to do, praise the guy?!" Bravo! At least O'Rourke has the balls and the humor to tell it like it is.

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