Now that Weinergate has been officially behind us for more than a week, it's time to look forward and try to figure out what congressional scandal will distract us next. The media is already hungry for some fresh meat. And considering how obvious it seems, in retrospect, that Anthony Weiner would be involved in a sex scandal, it shouldn't be to hard to figure out who the next congressperson will be to, shall we say, "pull a Weiner." William Johnson (R - Ohio) and Norm Dicks (D - Wash.) seem like the best guesses. But its not just those two that the media should be keeping an eye on. Here's a brief list of some of the other members of Congress most likely to be involved in scandals in the future and what those scandals will likely be:
Jim DeMint (R - S.C.) -- running a huge currency forgery ring out of the basement of his house.
Louise Slaughter (D - N.Y.) -- genocide.
Barbara Boxer (D - Ca.) -- punching a man in the face.
Patrick McHenry (R- N.C.) -- committing suicide after finding out that in Congress there is in fact no liberty.
Roy Labrador (R - Idaho) -- in an incident that is the exact opposite of the new FX TV show Wilfred (cross-branding opportunity!) it turns out that Mr. Labrador is in actuality a dog dressed up in a people suit.
Chuck Grassley (R - Iowa) and Roy Blunt (R - Mo.) -- possession with intent to sell.
Sanford Bishop (D - Ga.) and Tim Bishop (D - N.Y.) -- getting convicted on obstruction of justice charges relating to the child sex case involving Ed Pastor (D- Ariz.).
Bill Posey (R - Fla.) -- sending graphic twitpics to young interns with the heading "would you like a pocket full of this"? He will probably argue in his own defense that he is only human. "Ashes to ashes. We all fall down at times," he will likely be quoted as saying.
Chris Coons (D - Del.) -- caught on tape saying something horribly racist.
Cory Gardner (R - Colo.) -- is discovered to be in this country illegally.
Steve Israel (D - N.Y.) -- revelation that he has, for years, been funding a covert war. Against Palestine.
Joe Walsh (R - Ill.) -- found, in a new tell-all book, to be largely responsible for the break-up of the band The Eagles.
Dale Kildee (R - Mich.) -- found guilty of murdering the 80s hair rocker Dee Snider.
Steve King (R - Iowa) -- declaring that he is, in fact, a monarchist (and that he's also written a book about it).
Jerry Lewis (R - Calif.) -- after years of low approval ratings he will finally decide to quit Congress and move to France. He will be elected President For Life the moment he arrives.
David Camp (R - Mich.) -- being committed to an insane asylum after finally snapping due to years of constant questions about the President's vacation plans.
Sheldon Whitehouse (R - R.I.) -- drops his bid for the Presidency after it is revealed the entire campaign is being funded solely by newspaper headline writers.
Mike Crapo (R - Idaho) -- doing something bad.
Aaron Shock (R - Ill.) -- doing something shocking.
And lastly,
Eni Fa'aua'a Hunkin Faleomavaega (delegate from American Samoa) -- doing something truly unspeakable.