People Shocked, Dismayed To Find Out Mark Sanford Was Having An Affair With A Woman

Like many people, when I found out that Mark Sanford had been having an affair with a woman who lived in Argentina I was shocked.

He was having an affair with a woman?

Not a man who had undergone gender reassignment surgery to become a woman? Not a transgender woman? But an actual conventionally female in every way woman?

I have to say I was stunned.

Last June when Sanford said, "It is my personal view that the largest proclamation of one's faith ought to be in how one lives his life" I just kind of assumed he was having meth-fueled orgies with male prostitutes. But shockingly, the family-values Republican was merely having sex with a woman who was not his wife.

Most of my friends I spoke to about the situation were similarly shocked, but some were simply dismayed.

"I mean sure she lives in Argentina, but is she a male student who was in the country illegally? No, not even close" said Jessica Patrick. "I'm very disappointed. He's a governor after all; I really expected a lot more from him."

Others were simply confused. "I don't know what to think anymore. I mean am I supposed to believe that I live in a world where Republicans lawmakers who oppose civil unions and even gay adoption are only having affairs with members of the opposite gender?" said Chuck Evans. "This makes me question everything I thought I knew about the world."

My friend Jessi Smith also expressed bewilderment: "I don't get it. What does this have to do with Michael Jackson?" she asked.

Mr. Sanford's office could not be reached for comment.

Comments

[JoePalooka]

I think what is going to come out is that Sanford is a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

[BlackJAC]

He kept describing her in gender-neutral terms, such as "person" and "friend," so clandestine homosexuality was a valid theory.

[Honestly22]

I think Sanford being a supposed fiscal conservative, should not be outsourcing mistresses but get a made in the USA one.

Anyway did anyone else notice he seemed to be more torn up about losing his fight on the stimulus package than his marriage going down the tubes? Did he borrow from loan sharks on behalf of the state of S.C.? Inquring minds want to know!

[mredder4]

Lol, that sounds like a good rule of thumb for GOP affairs.

If it's a social conservative, expect a gay affair.
If it's a fiscal conservative, expect the affair to be outsourced.

We could go a little further.

If it's a states-rights conservative, expect the affair to be with a federal employee.
If it's a pro-business conservative, expect the affair to involve payments.

If it's a Democrat, well, what does it matter, Democrats at least have enough shame to resign.