Trouble in the Slums

04/04/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

It was revealed earlier this week that the two youngest kids from Slumdog Millionaire, Azharuddin Ismail and Rubina Ali, have returned home and are already having problems. Azharuddin is suffering from "exhaustion" and Rubina is refusing to change out of her expensive designer dress. Also, their parents are trying to use them to get more money for themselves. We've certainly seen this before and I think we all know where this is headed:

2010: Rubina releases a bhangra album and starts a clothing line -- I'm So Sari.

2011: Azharuddin loses twenty pounds almost overnight. The western press says that it is due to his coke habit. The Indian press speculates that it is due to his "living in India."

2012: Rubina is photographed by the paparazzi getting out of a car bindi-less.

2013: During a wild night at the club, Azharuddin is overheard arranging marriages to three girls at once.

2014: Rubina is spotted wearing a cross necklace to show her devotion to pop icon Britney Spears' controversial new religion "Christianity."

2015: Police pull over Azharuddin for riding his bike two miles an hour over the speed limit. A breathalyzer test reveals he is ten times over the legal limit for fermented cattle urine. He spends a month in jail.

2016: A sex tape is leaked in which Rubina can be seen engaging in horrific acts like holding hands with a man to whom she is not married and kissing Richard Gere.

2017: Azharuddin blows most of his money on a massive two bedroom estate that is almost 40 feet away from the nearest pool of human excrement.

2018: Rubina begins dating British DJ Madison Kelly. The pair, dubbed Rubison by the press, is stoned to death for engaging in homosexual acts.

2019: Azharuddin grows a massive beard and begins rambling incoherently on talk shows. The Indian people rejoice that he finally starting to seem normal. He spends the next 20 years wandering the mountains in a drug-fueled haze. Western rock bands flock to him for his council and tutelage.

2039: Azharuddin finally re-emerges with a new hit movie only to lose the Best Actor Oscar to Sean Penn.

2042: India buys the United States. Azharuddin is finally able to return to America for good. All is right with the world.