This is the time of year when we scratch our heads and try to figure out what to give our friends and loved ones for the holidays. I thought I would make it easy and tell you precisely what not to get the boomers on your list -- especially if I'm one of them. (Read the top five no-no's and check out our slide show below.)
1. Classic anything. "Classic" has come to mean "golden oldies." A "classic" gift invariably triggers one of these questions: "Is Keith Richards dead?" or "Doesn't Tina Turner look great for her age?" The answers are: yes and yes. My advice: Unless your gift has the word "Ferrari" after the "classic," don't buy it. This includes, but is not limited to, Beach Boys Classic Collection, Beatles Classic Collection and The Three Stooges Classic Collection.
Nostalgia has its place. And in my home, that place is in a box in the garage.
Seriously, part of aging happily is not living in the past and instead embracing -- or at least being open-minded about -- what's new. Why do people assume that a boomer's tastes in music, food or books are emotionally rooted to what was appealing 30 years ago? For the record, my dancing-alone-in-the-shower song is the Black Eyed Peas singing "I Gotta Feeling."
2. A copy of "Internet for Dummies." Honestly, can we bury this stereotype once and for all? Boomers understand technology, use technology and created the groundwork for technology. We may think that Twitter is a big time-suck, but that's a personal choice -- not something born from ignorance.
I also wouldn't mind not getting any more electronic gadgets I don't actually need. My head has been imploding lately with all my devices. My phone does everything I need it to do and my iPad2 does more of it on a screen big enough that I can actually see it. What else can I possibly use except a device to do the grocery shopping and drive carpool for me?
Technology has its place in our lives, but shouldn't become our lives. I spend too much time in front of screens as it is and not enough time in front of faces. Don't give me one more device that allows me to connect, but just not in person.
3. Anything cruise-related. I know this is going to unleash the full force and fury of the www.cruisecritic.com crowd, but I associate the word "cruise" with people who aren't especially adventuresome. I'll man up here and admit I've taken a few cruises when I had both elderly relatives and young children in tow. Cruising isn't a bad way to take multi-generational vacations for the folks on either end of the age scale. But for those of us in the middle, it's hard to imagine it being anything more than something you do to accommodate others. Don't we do that enough already?
When I want a do-nothing vacation, I know the perfect spot in Kauai to head where nobody makes me dress up for dinner. And when I want more adventure, I prefer the self-discovery that comes from independent travel. To each, his own. But go ahead cruisers, flame me. I know you want to.
4. Anything with an elastic waistband. I can't think of a more insulting gift than one that says your mid-section has expanded so much that these are the only pants you likely find comfortable. Yes, I have days that may be true, but for the holidays, I would prefer not to be reminded of it.
A few years ago, velour sweatsuits were in Vogue -- something for which I will forever thank Juicy Couture. But casual clothes are one thing, work clothes a totally other. A real gift from the clothing design community would be work clothes not intended for 20-somethings. I'm too old for mini-skirts and my feet protest high heels.
Maybe a better gift would be an instructional session with a personal shopper who specializes in boomer women in the workplace? I know: Somewhere there is a cruise ship that offers that very lecture.
5. Tschotkes of any kind from my children. After being around for 50 or 60 years, most of us have enough of what we need and plenty of what we want. I don't want any more dust-collectors. With apologies to our friends at Stylelist.com here, about the last thing in the world an empty nester wants a tea-cup-for-one that costs $22.50 and reminds her that her kids are gone and never call. And I don't know a mother alive who would want a set of five wooden owls just like the ones the kids used to make but that cost a whooping $229. (Although we do love the polka dot Anthropologie slippers.)
Show me you love me by donating to my favorite charity. Prove that we're close by knowing what that charity is. Demonstrate that I raised you well by giving something to someone who needs it and then tell me about it. There is no finer gift you can bestow upon me than letting me know you are happy.
Follow Ann Brenoff on Twitter: www.twitter.com/AnnBrenoff
To reject that which is old merely because it is old is pretty shallow. To reject it in favor of (gag!) the Black Eye Peas' rhythmic shouting smacks a bit of an auld phart just a little too desperate to hang on to that rapidly vanishing youth. I embrace my alterkocherism and reject that which is crap regardless of its vintage. Which includes nearly everything I've heard from the past couple of decades. Sturgeon's Law has again been skewed, but higher rather than lower. And no, I don't reject merely because it is new, but neither do I heap false praise on that which is banal, boring, repetitive and dull merely because God forbid anyone should doubt my condition of being terminally hip.
And I do like cruises, although yes, exploring a new city or country can be a rewarding alternative. The other three no-nos I agree with wholeheartedly.
I hope my kids know me better than this but hey, I really am going to be grateful for any gift they give me (except maybe the cruise).
So holidays (which means holy days, after all) is utterly appropriate.
My husband and I tried to get the family to stop doing a present exchange between the adults, giving presents only to those who really are still children. You would have thought we had suggested a BBQ of baby Jesus. We now leave the family gathering when they get to that part.
Young people may say that we invented it but they perfected it, but which came first the chicken or the egg?
very eloquent written article
I buy what I need (not quite a boomer here) when I need it. It's called being an adult. I have accumulated a household of items. If I "need" anything, I get it or I save and wait. Each year we go through this Kabuki around the holidays asking each other what they want. We all stare at the floor because we have to make stuff up. The truth is, as adults, none of us really "need" or "want" much that isn't costly. So this woman is saying "please don't give me stuff just to give me stuff". Commendable indeed!
How about giving me lunch or dinner with you? What a great gift! Or an evening out somewhere we both want to go? How about putting all the recipes I love that you make together in a book and giving it to me? What about having our pictures taken professionally? How about something I love, but never would buy for myself, like a day at a spa and we'll both go? Are you getting the picture here? If you really cared and felt close enough to give me a gift, how about something we both can do that means we spend a little more time together. Because time is all we have.
But the inlaws ignore suggestions and instead buy undersized clothing in colors of diaper poo or do-dads for my small home. My sisters in law get exactly the same thing.
Yes, they ask and don't listen, but what upsets me is that they waste their hard-earned money this way. I do donate the things, but if they knew they'd be upset. They don't believe in charity.
My mother and I ask each other what we want. My mom's list includes elastic-waist pants, largely because she's had surgery and waistbands that don't give are irritating. Her list is lengthy and varied enough for me to choose from according to what I can find and what I can afford, and my list is the same. Gifts are wrapped festively. We are surprised. I make up a stocking for her and the inlaws, too...I might stick in dip mix, a blinking nose, a finger puppet, an angel pin made by women in Zambia, a kiwi fruit, a little Christmas candy, and some lottery tickets.
Ho, ho, ho!!!
After checking out a few hobby books from the local library, I decided I wanted one for my home. I found a used copy on Amazon for $2. I told her I wanted that $2 book for my birthday because saving money is important. She rolled her eyes. On my birthday, she gave me the book. Knowing that she listened, understood, and did exactly what I said, made me very proud. She is officially a bargain-hunter and may survive if she loses her job.
No more Tschotkes.
I may be over the hill by some but I can still "shake my bootie!" LOL!
Merry Christmas to all!
This is the way I feel about Facebook too. It's sad, lazy and insipid. If they want to find out about me or share their lives, they can email, call or write. They don't have to do pathetic little 'blasts' all year long to their 900 'closest friends'. I write my friends. I call my friends. If they can't do that, then they're not friends.
REAL friends don't do things only on holidays. They don't do sad little 'wall posts'. If they care, they do the work it takes to maintain a relationship. And those who don't? No big loss.
Not everyone uses it like a 12 year old girl, just as every phone call isn't like the ones you made when you were in puberty. It's just a tool, to use as you like. Email, call or write are on your 'approved methods' list, but that doesn't mean staying in touch with Facebook or Skype shows a lack of commitment or courtesy. It just means you have different personal preferences.
Appreciate the efforts people make to reach out, by any means.