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Anna Brand

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'Bethenny Ever After' Recap: A Unibrow Situation

Posted: 02/28/2012 1:37 am

After a roller coaster of a first episode of "Bethenny Ever After," Bethenny Frankel took to her blog (well, the blog Bravo definitely potentially pays her to write) and embraced her imbalance: "I want you to see the real me, whether emotional or inappropriate or neurotic. This is who I am." Not that we had any doubt, but man, are we thrilled to have B on our side, ready to peel back the many layers. We may come to discover the third, fourth and even tenth side to our favorite reality star. But until then, let us stick to the two we know best. Shall we?

"Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny

  • Being genuinely excited for Hoda Kotb when she realizes her face is saying "I'm in love" and not "Let's skip the bread basket." B may be insecure at times but she seems truly happy for Hoda.

  • Bringing up her "wazoo" in front of the waiter. Works every time.

  • Comparing her own sex life (B and Hoppy are NOT having kitchen-counter sex, for the record) to Hoda's (who she thinks might be) because who doesn't compare their bedroom adventures to a friend's?

  • Venting about not having the energy to plan the right time to be having sex when hoping to get pregnant. Because even typing that sentence is a headache.

  • Acknowledging that she's an "odd ball." Yes, yes you are.

  • Having patience for Teri, who is clearly a frenemy, after she tells B Bryn's good looks must not come from her. And also, for checking out Hoppy like he's a rare burger with melted Gruyere on a toasted buttered roll. Jesus, Teri.

  • Going on a falafel crawl with Nick the food blogger. Love her love for food.

  • Enforcing a "no Crackberry" rule on her mini-vacation. Appreciate the effort, but let's see how long this lasts.

  • Wearing khaki shorts and a striped sweater on the beach in Montauk seems boring and typical. But wait, she's also sporting chunky gold hoop earrings. Yes.

  • Sitting at the kid's table and really enjoying it.

  • Freaking out over Bryn's first sentence, because even though she let out her scary, I-could-kill-a live-animal-with-my-bare-hands eyes, it is worth it, I suppose. By the way, it was a fragment.

  • Spreading her legs on a mini-paddleboat in a white bikini. Because with a body like that at 41, why the hell not?

  • "I'm a class act. Through and through." Okay, so B's probably drunk during this video interview, but OK, we agree.

  • Opening up about her biological father versus the father figure who actually raised her. B's talked about this before (in Dr. Amador's office, obviously), but every time it's heartbreaking.

  • Breaking down in front of her friends about being "hard" and hoping Bryn grows up with a softer side. Must be the tequila talking, but aw, B, chin up! Being a survivor is a good thing. Just not the psychotic ones with sharp spears and an eye for tiger blood. Let's hope that's not in Bryn's genes.

  • B interrupts Dr. A during his analysis, and while, yes, that's rude, he reacts by demanding she let him finish. We know B loves to hear herself talk and most of the time it's not socially acceptable, but this should be the one place it's allowed. Chill out, Amador, you get paid extra for this.

Total: 16

"Run for Your Life" Bethenny

  • "You always order everything," Hoda says to B at the restaurant. This is when she should know to run. Far away. Forget the tip.

  • Acting like her friends' family mantra to "marry a Jewish guy, have a baby, and then have at least another baby" is the equivalent of hiring a gigolo to hand select a crack baby from the local deserted alleyway.

  • Grunting like a wild animal at baby Bryn. She seems happy about it, smiling and whatnot, but still, scary.

  • Wondering why she and Hoppy are never able to commit to a vacation spot to celebrate Skinnygirl Cocktails. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess it has something to do with B's inability to make a decision without Julie.

  • Grilling Hoppy about his trip to Barcelona. The fact that he went with guys means he's gay, apparently. Yes, that makes perfect sense.

  • Examining the "one-bedroom apartment" that is Julie's desk. What do you expect, B? Julie's not just your assistant; she's your godmother. (Another perplexing topic, another time.)

  • Diving right into Nick the food blogger's sex life and sugar intake. The most inappropriate and worst part is, he seems to be used to it.

  • Insisting Nick get his eyebrows threaded. On TV. In between falafel tastings. I feel like she's recreating a scene from "The 40 Year Old Virgin," but it's not funny. OK, a little funny.

  • Something about the way B keeps saying "girl's weekend" is making everyone very nervous.

  • Sitting behind the wheel of a car, for, what seems like, the first time ... ever.

  • Shaking up her Skinnygirl margarita, and spilling it everywhere on the beach. Either she's drunk or this is the first time she's actually poured her own drink.

  • Trying to open the box Bryn's toy is in and failing miserably. It's called a scissor.

  • Continuing to talk to Bryn like she's her babysitter, or at least someone who understands more than a Polly Pocket-sized handful of words.

Total: 13

Looks like "Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny got more face time this episode. From letting go on her "girl's weekend" to calmly venting about year two of her marriage, we got to see more of the side of B we want to drink margs with all day on the beach. Then again, "Run for Your Life" is never safely tucked away for good -- and next week's preview seems to indicate we'll be seeing a lot more of her in the very near future. Till next week!

"Bethenny Ever After" airs Mondays at 9 p.m. EST on Bravo.