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'Bethenny Ever After' Recap: A 'Dream Team' Situation

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It was a little terrifying (in a good way) watching Bethenny Frankel's "Run for Your Life" side in full force last week. Popping veins, bulging eyes and high-pitched screeching all came together for a frightening trifecta of freakshow. And it was amazing. Bravo promised another episode of calamity on "Bethenny Ever After," and knowing Queen B, there's no doubt in my mind. Plus, we now know the overnight boat trip is coming soon. Very soon.

As usual, Bethenny's two sides will battle it out for the gold (or at least, for the purposes of this post). Well, on we go ...

"Can't Get Enough of You" Bethenny
  • Inviting her TV-worthy close friends to her People magazine shoot and making time for a quality conversation. And yes, her friend's yoga nip-slip still counts as a quality conversation.
  • Explaining a recent fight she had with Hoppy to her friends and not sweating or talking in a high-pitched scary voice. Actually, B sounded quite ... normal.
  • Admitting to obsessing over her marriage and questioning if Hoppy even spends any time thinking about it at all. Because even though he obviously is, this is a concern that runs through every living, breathing female.
  • Listening to her hair stylist dole out relationship advice, even though she only truly tunes in when she's told, "It's not you, it's him." Isn't that the reason we get advice from our friends, anyway.
  • Going over the status of her apartment renovation with her architect when she finds out some people in her "dream team" aren't returning his calls. B takes it into her own hands, grabs the phone, and get's things sorted out. Because sometimes, her controlling nature is actually very appropriate and necessary.
  • Comforting Julie when she breaks down in tears over her own life stresses. Even though B is Julie's boss, she never brushes off her feelings. That in itself is a reason to stick with a job.
  • Describing feeling alone to Dr. Armadillo and the fact that Hoppy makes her think she's crazy. Bottom line: B is crazy, but having someone make you feel that way is only more alienating. Can't blame someone for being honest.
  • Bringing Bryn to ballet class and hanging out with the other moms. Because that's totally something she could have had her assistants do.

Total: 8

"Run for Your Life" Bethenny
  • Shouting in a room full of strangers to her gay friend Jake that he, naturally, should feel comfortable on his knees. Jake's face > B's red hot dress.
  • Putting Hoppy on speaker phone when he's frazzled and letting him vent about the apartment design process in front of their prim and proper interior design team. This is even more uncomfortable than when we watched her food blogger get his eyebrows threaded in a shoddy side street establishment.
  • Explaining that renovating the new apartment is going to coast "hundreds of thousands of dollars" and that "cutting back" is just too stressful. The apartment-sized closet tattooed into her mind might just be a good start.
  • Prying into her chiropractor's love life, specifically about the woman he's sleeping with and then, why he's single. Cheap shot because B knows very well that he can't snap at her because of all the damn cameras.
  • Grilling a website design team about what the Skinnygirl brand means, after already hiring them. Moment the response is "fabulous," B looks ready to slam the breakfast platter into their faces.
  • Hoping that Hoppy gets nauseated enough to show his "inside" personality on the overnight couple-building boat trip. It seems like it's really going to benefit the marriage.
  • Inquiring about farting etiquette to the bartender during "girl's night." Wrong, wrong, wrong.
  • Demanding an apology from Hoppy just as their helicopter arrives to bring them to Block Island. Timing Bethenny, timing. Then, heading into the car for a full-out brawl (tears and all) just as they're supposed to embark on their journey. Even Dr. Armadillo may not be able to save this shipwreck.

Total: 8

Well, well, well, it looks like Bethenny showed a true balance of "Can't Get Enough of You" and "Run for Your Life" with 8 points on each side. She let her goofy side loose and opened up in a more tolerable way than usual. On the flipside, her insecurities got the best of her as she continued to push the same fight with Hoppy. Ultimately, the lovebirds ended up in a locked luxury car getting fired up over their morning issue until Hoppy broke free into the blazing sun. We're left with a 'To Be Continued," which can only mean good things. That, or the boat episode is closer than anticipated. Pack your life jackets; it's about to get insanely bumpy.