The Etiquette of Talking Politics

Not everyone can pick a fish fork out of the cutlery line up, but most of America made it through childhood with a few ground rules of inviolable etiquette in place: say please and thank you; don't chew with your mouth open; cut the price tag off a gift; if you can't say anything nice, talk about the weather. Just don't, for goodness sake, ever talk about politics or religion at the dinner table!

Well, the times, they are a-changin'. The elections are everywhere, therefore talking politics is happening everywhere from boardrooms to family dinners. I talked about it myself with the new website Citizen Jane Politics. The fact is, it's rare that etiquette disappears altogether (though I'll grant you the chaperone, abandoned by Emily Post herself in her 1946 edition of her classic tome Etiquette). Instead, etiquette adapts. People want to talk about the elections that are going on, but there are immediate red flags: How do I do this without getting myself into hot water? That is essentially an etiquette question: What are the rules of the road if we decide to engage in political conversation? Here are a few quick tips from a FOX & Friends segment I did over the weekend:

1. Just the facts, ma'am. Stick to discussions of general knowledge: What is a candidate's stance? What did they say in the debate? What are the latest headlines? Stay away from anything too personal, opinionated or judgmental: Who are you voting for? I hate the (insert political party here)! How on earth could you support that candidate?!

2. Have an exit strategy. It takes two to argue, and if you choose not to participate the other person will run out of steam fast. Have a stock answer ready to get you out of a heated conversation: I guess we just don't see eye-to-eye; or: I'll have to consider that; or: For me, it's private.

3. What's your position? Think about what your purpose is for the conversation. Are you there to learn? Are you there to try to change somebody's mind? If you're going to do that, I would strongly suggest doing it in a respectful manner. Or are you just there to vent, to dump on somebody? That's neither productive nor helpful to your own cause.

4. Know when to fold 'em. There are still times I'd strongly advise avoiding political topics, especially if it's liable to get heated. Weddings and holidays are risky; they are memorable events, and you don't want the memories to be bad. When meeting new people it's best not to broach such a personal subject--think your girlfriend's parents or a new client.

5. Assume nothing. No matter how perceptive you think you are, you can't possibly know what someone else's personal beliefs are. Don't presume that someone agrees with you--or disagrees, for that matter.

So what's left to talk about? Lots. We all know how lucky we are to live in a society with free elections, and political discourse is central to making good decisions in the voting booth. The best political conversation is one where the participants can ask each other questions to learn more. Asking to know more doesn't mean you have to change your mind--but hey, you never know!

Comments

[TheHunt]

who said never to talk about politics or religion at the dinner table? and what were they taking?

that is the perfect time to talk about politics and it always has been. that is how obama became a household name in the first place.

religion i understand. nobody needs to her about "the good book," dog in heaven, and father dowling screwing halterboys while theyre having the meatloaf.

but we need to remember how we win victory against mcstain and the repuglican jackasses. and thats by talking politics where it counts.

[KarenZipdrive]

6. Speak no ill of Obama to his acolytes, lest you be branded any number of derogatory terms.
7. All bets are off for Hillary- anyone can say anything they want about her because she's just a woman, after all.
8. As for McCain, I find a simple, "I'm sure he'll carry on Bush's policies to the letter" tends to end any further conversation about him.

[Kantinflas]

One 2nd-grader talking politics with another on the playground of the Huffington Post charter school: "My candidate's dad can beat up your candidate's dad!"

[Guitarsandmore]

Awe now come on, its no fun if you can't argue and yell about politics. Give the in laws hell at Thanksgiving!

[querencia]

I think saying we live in a society with free elections is a little naive... check out American Blackout, Palast information on caging lists, or information on Diebold voting machine hacking tests, or 2000 or 2004 results vs exit polls and recounts if you do not get the reference.

I still vote, and perhaps the small reforms that have happened since 04 mean that more people entitled to vote will be allowed to do so without interference, and that more of those votes will actually be counted as cast. In the meantime-- we do what we can with the system we have and the candidates we have.

I don't disagree with the intent of your post, and I think most of your suggestions are helpful. But "free elections"? Come on. You sound like you have been taking Fox News seriously.

[1849]

I have been lurking in/on the Huffington Post for a few weeks and I must say that this is one of best post.

I think personal attacks do more harm than good. I would rather talk about policy than trying to bring someone down because of their gender or race.

I think focusing on the bigger picture is the goal. I want my country back!

[fcsakes]

Unless I am with very close friends, I do not discuss politics at all. I am absolutely rabidly in hate with republicans and since many of them are actually well-meaning, decent individuals, I would just as soon not hurt their feelings even if they don't have enough brains to pour piss out of a boot.

[Sciguy]

Great comment, fcsakes! I'll swipe that "rabidly in hate with" one of these days, but I'll try to remember to attribute it to you (or at least to a HuffPost commenter).

[Sciguy]

How about including one more rule: Don't open a meal with a prayer specific to one sect of one religion!

[HST]

What do you do when you have friends who repeatedly want to bring politics into the conversation no matter how hard you try to avoid it?

[rixhex56]

Avoid those friends?

Why avoid it?

[RadicalRepublican]

You either try to control their behavior or not.