Underrated and Overrated Marital Coping Strategies

Like many couples we read the article by Elizabeth Weil in the New York Times Magazine. We find marriage challenging too. We tried a lot of therapy too. We said screw it.

Underrated and Overrated:

OVERRATED: Talking.
UNDERRATED: Yelling.
It feels much better to get it out of your system.
OVERRATED: Listening.
UNDERRATED: Yelling louder.
Listening takes valuable time away from arguing and yelling. Yelling louder also increases your chances of embarrassing your partner in public, which was the point, right?

OVERRATED: Compromising.
UNDERRATED: Confrontation.
Playing the marital version of chicken -- first one to back off from a head-on argument that could lead to a divorce loses. Compromise is for pussies, no one likes a push over.

OVERRATED: Forgiveness.
UNDERRATED: Resentment.
Forgiving someone doesn't give you anything to obsess about later, it's much more satisfying to stew about all the things your partner has done wrong.

OVERRATED: Agreement.
UNDERRATED: Disagreeing.
Agreement is a conversation ender, while challenging each other's beliefs can become an inexpensive hobby you can enjoy in any weather.

OVERRATED: Planning for your future together.
UNDERRATED: Spontaneity. Don't plan for anything together beyond your grocery list, this way, if your relationship lasts for any amount of time it's just a bonus!