Facebook: Gameboy for the Over-40 Set

The news that older people are the fastest growing segment of Facebook users came as a shock to many, but not to me. You see, I live with one of them.

Of course I am also one myself, as my high school and college-aged kids would hastily point out. They have been kind enough to "friend" me on Facebook, but only in an ironic way, which doesn't make them less cool in the eyes of their friends.

Besides, I'm the type of Facebook user who doesn't poke others, doesn't engage in meaningless flower-sending or zombie wars, and doesn't care what the hell Catholic saint, ancient Goddess, Shakespeare character or natural disaster I might be. So they can live with me as their Facebook friend, provided I don't post too many embarrassing baby pictures or freak out when their profile pictures look a bit unclothed.

My boyfriend, on the other hand, could be a poster child for The New (Older) Facebook. His love of social networking has resulted in warnings by the Powers That Be that he was amassing too many friends. He is on his laptop before 7 am, commenting on everyone's status updates and new photos. By the end of the day he has caught up with friends from Russia to New Zealand, learned the names of their new babies and former lovers, and stored it all in the enormous part of his brain reserved for Facebook-related information.

I say this with a certain amount of awe, because while I would like to care about my friends that much, the truth is that I do not. In fact, his Facebook habit has made me realize just how little I care about my childhood friend's daughter's new swimsuit, my high school class reunion committee's progress, or just about anything not connected with my immediate family and environment. Does this make me self-absorbed and short-sighted? Or by ignoring its relentless newsfeed am I taking a stand against the Facebook-ification of daily life?

The other night we were sitting together watching TV, and during every commercial break he reached for his iPhone, turned on Facebook, and scrolled through the new listings of people's robot names, who liked whose links, and what new comments had been added to which photos. I sat there wondering where I had seen this behavior before, but it took me another glass of wine before I could put my finger on it: He looked exactly like an 8-year-old who just got a Gameboy and won't rest until he's won all the levels of every single game he owns.

Except the Facebook game has no end. It comes with a limitless cast of characters, is part schmoozy business network, part family photo album and part reality show, and offers just enough helpful information to give every user an airtight excuse to log in whenever they feel the need.

If this were one of my kids sitting around with a Gameboy, I could make up reasonable-sounding rules such as: no Gameboy at the breakfast table, no playing till you've mowed the lawn, all hand-held machines off after 9 pm. Chances are they would even follow them most of the time.

But Facebook is now being used by a generation that grew up way before handheld video games were invented. They have no natural or developed immunity to the medium, and no reason to curtail their Facebook behavior -- it is just too damn useful, and they are adults after all.

This Facebook craze among people my own age has made some parts of my life much easier, I admit. But I never imagined it would make me nostalgic for the days of the Gameboy craze.

Follow Anne Hill on Twitter: www.twitter.com/annehill

Comments

[DennyCrane]

"Does this make me self-absorbed and short-sighted? Or by ignoring its relentless newsfeed am I taking a stand against the Facebook-ification of daily life?"

The latter.

[VicDaring]

I use FB about the way the author does.

For the obsessed, I point to a recent "Non Sequitor" cartoon: One character proudly proclaimed he had 1,000 Facebook friends. Another character says, "That's great. How many would help you move?" As the first character looks embarassed, the 2nd continues, "I gave up on imaginary friends by kingergarten."

[jmundstuk]

She's a DREAM consultant?

[GloryCA]

It's important to not lump people over 40 into one big group. Folks in their 40's and 50's , even early 60's were inundated with video games in their impressionable years - remember Atari? Pong? Space Invaders? Merlin? Gaming Arcades? They aren't defenseless, merely awed at easy it is to set up and play the games - no wires, batteries or quarters required. As for guys and games - as the mom of sons and wife of a gadget guru, I swear, from the moment they can push buttons to well past the time they will be able to see a screen clearly, guys will always have a special weakness for gaming. Once I accepted that, I incorporated it into my management tool bag - I always say, if you can't beat it, make it an accessory.

[blueshield]

I'm ignorant on the topic - never used Facebook - but your post strikes a chord. Facebook seems to allow people to turn relationships into a game, an abstraction, much closer to anonymity than intimacy. Friends become things to be played with and at, through an electronic veil.

Is it a time waster? Entertainment? A substitute for mature human interaction?

And where, oh where does someone find the time out of their real life to be so devoted to playing?

I enjoyed your post, but it made me wonder....aren't you jealous to have so much time, from awakening to sleep, taken from your own relationship?

[Anne Hill - Huffpost Blogger]

I'd have to agree with CindyV: Facebook has made it possible for me to connect with old friends I never expected to be in contact with again, and has created a sort of running banter between members of my family that feels (at best) like we're all joking around in the living room together.

And yet it can be all three of those things you fear, too. As for the question on jealousy, I do not feel threatened by my boyfriend's laptop or iPhone Facebook usage—I'm the satirist in the relationship, after all.

[gulopartisan]

It's not so much threatening as diminishing. It makes me sad to see two kids sitting together in a restaurant, obviously on a date, both of them busily carrying on conversations on their respective phones. Now I admit staring soulfully into each other's eyes isn't terribly productive, but somehow it seems to me that digital touching is a contradiction in terms.

[CindyV]

Well, I'm in the over 40 group and I love my Facebook. I have connected with old friends, old loves, former students, and keep up with co-workers. I don't send flowers or green patch requests to people and I hate getting them. But I do participate in some surveys, quizes, or other things. I am intensely political and as such, I keep my "friends" limited to adults.

[Gewyne]

I use it just so people can find me - I then respond to their request with my email address, chat a little and tell them they can contact me their anytime - most do not as we have nothing really to say, its all very superficial. So I will keep my facebook as a holder like now so people can wonder "Hey I wonder how Gewyne is - hmmm maybe hes on facebook" but i refuse to delve through 100's of hours of mundane meaningless dross just to keep in contact with people for no reason.

[Anne Hill - Huffpost Blogger]

That's a clever way to use Facebook. I also use it to alert my boyfriend when I post funny articles about him here...

[cgracec]

This is why I hate facebook. I joined it three years ago when it was only open to college students. Then highschoolers were allowed to join, and my younger bro got one. Then people over a certain age were allowed to join, and my mother got one too. That is when facebook lost its charm and I deactivated my account briefly. My dad refuses to get one because he thinks that if you are REALLY someone's friend, you'll just call them up or text them or meet them in person whenever something important happens in your life - not just blast it to 1000 or so of your closest acquaintances. Facebook makes you lazy in the way you maintain relationships.