Don't get me wrong, I am practically giddy at the thought of Bush getting the hell out of the White House. I cried with everybody else as Pennsylvania and then Ohio went for Obama on election night. But I am already being driven to drink by the hoopla over this inauguration.
Not at the idea of having a huge national day of celebration -- because if we can't take a day off in the middle of the week to drink recklessly and shout in unison at the television, then the terrorists have already won. No, it is the thought of all the mind-numbing commentary I will have to endure on the way to Obama's speech that is souring me on the day. That, and the possibility that his speech will be bad enough to make me wish I had stayed at work.
We all know that Obama can deliver a fiery, floor-stomping, eye-misting speech. But what if his inauguration speech is just a re-tread of the 2004 DNC speech, or his nomination acceptance speech, his speech on race, or his victory speech last November? What inspiring thing is there left to say?
Honestly, I wouldn't mind a re-tread speech. What I fear is that we will hear sweeping rhetoric combined with policy ideas that don't go nearly far enough to set things right. With this in mind, I have come up with a simple, celebratory drinking game to help ease the pain of what may very well be a day that will live in infamy -- the day that keeps haunting us, the day we lowered the bar on change. If you have more drinking rules to suggest, by all means add them to the comments section. And remember: together, yes we can!
On Inauguration Day, Drink Every Time:
While watching TV coverage
• Chris Matthews calls Obama young, vigorous, or good-looking
• Keith Olbermann attempts irony
• Any Republican approves of Obama's "post-partisanship"
• A pundit says Obama leaned left in the campaign but now is more "moderate" or "practical"
• Any commercial advertises inauguration plates, coins, condoms, posters, or DVD specials
• The female commentators start discussing Michelle Obama's dress
• The stock market rises due to national euphoria
• Lincoln's name is invoked or his speeches are quoted
• The camera cuts to the wildly cheering, enthusiastic crowd
During the speech itself
• Equal blame is given to Democrats and Republicans for the financial mess
• Obama says "working together" or "reaching across the aisle"
• He calls for tax cuts as part of his economic stimulus plan (2 shots)
• Lincoln's name is invoked or his speeches are quoted
• Iraq is mentioned without using the word "withdrawal"
• Obama calls for personal sacrifice and working harder...
• While not promising stricter regulations on how bailout money is spent (2 shots)
• He ushers in a new era of honesty and transparency in government...
• While saying we can get there without prosecuting 8 years of war crimes and fraud (3 shots)
• The camera cuts to the wildly cheering, enthusiastic crowd