This is my 40th consecutive week of posting articles on HuffPost. The process has been a great gift and a blessing to me. Writing each post has given me food for thought, a chance to look more deeply at how we can create greater health, wealth and happiness.
The HuffPo Living Page is a warm, friendly place to associate with a wide range of wise fellow bloggers, gain fresh inspiration and enjoy readers who visit with comments and views.
While I continue to offer blogs here, I decided to make my work more widely available. To start with, I am working on a new website.
On the one hand, I feel confident about what I have to offer, both as a speaker and as a writer. On the other, frankly, I feel scared. The "what if's" have been raining in.
What if I can't do what I say I can? What if people do not like what I do? What if they don't like me? What if I get rejected? What if I am a dismal failure? The spectre of self-doubt is showing up. Hello! Can you relate with any of this? Perhaps I would rather stay safe, and be quiet. Then, what if taking what I do to a new level is a whole lot of fun?
Giving consultations to people wanting to improve their lives, I have found it common for self-doubt to appear as you come out of a comfort zone. Self-doubt can be felt as confusion, not knowing, self-judgments, a sense of separation, fear - an emotional roller-coaster.
Actually, self doubt is a blessing. It does not feel that way. Do you ever experience self-doubt? Or do you have all the trust and confidence you would like? As confident as I am most of the time, I know there is more understanding, more freedom and joy for me to explore. Hiding away will not do it for me.
My passion for writing began when I was 11. My father's work took him, my mother, brother and sister to Jamaica. They left me behind at boarding school in England, where the secondary education was considered better than in the West Indies. I joined them for summer holidays. My Dad's sister in London was my guardian and I spent some of the other holidays with her.
I grew homesick. Writing, and receiving letters from home, was a lifeline. I missed my Mum. My aunt was quite authoritarian. She spoke with an "upper class" accent - posh - and told me to do the same. At school, kids teased me for talking "posh" and so I learnt to speak there with a rural accent. When my aunt telephoned me at school, I had a dilemma. I found it hard to speak to her on the phone. The fear of speaking on the phone stayed with me for some years afterwards.
To make up for my loss of family, I focussed on being successful in my school work and did well. Emotionally, it was painful. I resolved never to get close to anyone in case they would leave me. I wrote letters to forge the connection I was missing from my family. Seeds of self-doubt were sewn during this time - together with my love for the Caribbean, upbeat music, dancing and a sunny climate.
Here are some keys that may assist you to overcome self-doubt at a time of change:
1. BREATHE DEEPLY
When difficult emotions show up, breathe love into them and relax. Call upon your spiritual, higher or divine self to be present with you. The human spirit that you are never leaves you and is your greatest source of loving support at all times.
2. APPRECIATE YOUR VALUE
Who you are deep down is much greater than any issues or challenges you have, or will ever meet. Be aware of the goodness of your intent, and the good that you do - to love and take care of your family; to do your best at work; to give of yourself into your community; to meet and master your challenges.
3. BUILD SELF-TRUST
Handle the agreements you have made with yourself and others. If you find you are over-committed, renegotiate those agreements so they do not drain your energy. Make fewer commitments you know you will keep.
Get busy and clear out cupboards and drawers, the garage maybe. Let go of things around you that no longer "have energy" for you. Create the space for becoming more fully your true self.
4. PREPARE FOR WHAT YOU WANT
How would you like to experience your life in the future? Would you like more adventure, deeper peace, greater happiness, a loving relationship, a rewarding career, more time, a healthier body? Sketch a vision for yourself, in words or images, of the life you would like to create. See, feel and hear yourself fulfilling your intention.
5. BE BOLD
Take one brave action to move you in the direction of your new life. If you are anything like me, your mind goes blank at this point. Ask a friend to help you if you feel stuck. Listen to your intuition. The still small voice within you will guide you. Do what is true for you.
As the saying goes: Fortune favours the brave.
6. CELEBRATE THE BEAUTY OF YOUR BEING !
High five your achievements as you go Celebrate each little success, each brave step on the way.
Self-doubt in my experience has been a blessing because it has caused me to touch more deeply into the spirit that I am. This in turn has enabled me to appreciate that spirit that lives in others, no matter the circumstances of their lives.
It seems to me that we each have a predisposition for certain life experiences, and to learn from them. We gain if we choose to see things that way. Attitude is the magic word.
Have you run into self-doubt with the current challenges? Are you finding ways to encourage yourself when you have felt doubtful? What brave actions have you taken to pursue your dreams?
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at clearresults@mac.com. I will be happy to assist you if I can.
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A toolkit. How cool!!!
I have tacked your ideas ("keys") to my studio wall for my reminders and support. Thank you for laying this out. I even tucked a copy into my binder that goes with me. Hey, it works!
I really loved your article -- it was like a chat after dinner and a way to get to know you a little better. Very nice to 'visit' with you this way.
I'm dealing with some self doubt these days to and most times I just push it aside and keep going, but that doesn't always work. I'll keep your ideas handy and refer to them and also will add something I read recently about athletes: self talk. Athletes use positive self talk to get them going in the midst of physical challenges and it's been a long time since I've been an athlete but I remember how effective it was to the point that I'm adding it back into my 'tool box'.
Looking forward to your site,
James
Thank you very much for your comment.
I love what you say about having a tool box. Particularly when you are working with people, I think it is so helpful to be keeping your own inner resources topped up with what you know is true for you.
The website should be up later today, with a few items to be added over the next week!
Blessings to you,
Anne
My solution: I will recognize that I must not doubt myself simply b/c I have dug that ditch in my thought patterns. I will commit to getting back up on the road :)
OR, maybe I'm meant to have an admin title while doing analyst work and my former BFF is not toxic...but I seriously doubt that.
What a wonderful comment - thank you! I love your spirit and courage.
In my experience, when others have thrown doubt about my decisions at me, I look at it in two ways.
Maybe there is wisdom in what they are seeing. I can learn from it and possibly modify my plans. Alternatively, perhaps like you, I get even more committed to what I intend to do. If people are used to seeing you a certain way, yes I have also found it can take a while to be seen as who I more fully am.
Either way, keep me posted on how you get on. Way to go..... !
With warmest good wishes,
Anne
Now that I am acting on my gut instincts and heeding the advice of the wise people around me I am getting looked upon as if I am experiencing some wild power trip (I was actually told that). When in fact, I am simply busting at the seams to do the right things in life, finally.
How this relates: My self-doubt now is largely based on the looks of concern I have been getting while making the RIGHT decisions (breaking up with toxic BFF's, my pursuit to be recognized at work for what I am - an analyst trapped in an admin's body). I assume that I am getting these looks b/c they think I am a schizophrenic and are waiting for me to name my crazy alter ego. My circle is so accustomed to seeing my fail that they are cautious to believe that I finally passed Real Life 101. My self doubt in the past has been largely based on the looks I get while making the TYPICAL KELLEY decisions that are riddled with poor judgement. Cont.....
What a joy to hear from you! Thank you for your comment and very kind words.
With much love and abundant blessings to you,
Anne
Look..I understand what you are trying to say...to..prescribe..
But..I feel compelled to add...that your approach..is.."Limited" in that it is overwhelmingly.."middle class"..I'm not speaking in '60's "Booshwah" rhetoric..nope!..Just..look at the choice of language..I am sad to say..there is an entire GENERATION that will not..'understand' what it is you are advising..as they simply lack the vocabulary..and they may be in need of 'Self Doubt' counseling more than the Boomers..or..my Generation..the X-ers..they have..NOTHING..frankly..that has not already been done..better..grander..the are Generation Sequel..anyway..
Again..i apologize..this is NOT an attack..I appreciate what your ideas..truly..as a person in therapy..I just feel that..there must ALWAY'S exist..a 'Lowest Common Denominator' for exercises of the Psyche..the Language..the Goals...the Exercises..must..ALL..be ATTAINABLE..otherwise they become empty..
The other facet of this point is..the Exercises themselves..MAY be..somewhat unrealisic in..THESE TIMES...to 'Clean out the Cupboards' or take..really..ANY.."time"..is..sorta..well..c'mon..you KNOW this! I DOUBT..I can create the very SETTINGS necessary to achieve your hypothesis..
BTW..I use Caps as italics..not 'shouting'...
Thank you very much for your comment. I think I can hear what you are trying to say.
How to speak with one voice that reaches everyone, beyond gender, generation, nationality, religion - or none, state of mind - well, I am not sure I will ever achieve that. However, I care enough and will make the attempt - somes you win, somes you don't!
Enjoy a blessed life!
With warmest good wishes,
Anne
Blessings to you.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Thank you very much for your comment.
Dealing with uncertainty, while keeping an open mind to the best that is ahead for you, is not easy. It is one of those challenges that makes for building greater inner strength.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Recently I have been involved with a large promotional project, at the begining a lot of doubt surfaced about whether I could achieve it. I ultimately took small steps and gradually it has flowered. The project seems to have its own timing and has turned out even better than I had ever conceived. When the big breaks came it seemed effortlessly easy. I had to learn to trust, and move as I was inwardly directed.
Let it go and let it flow.
Thank you so much for your comment. It is very true also my my experience that self doubt can relate to a warning bell about timing.
I love what you say about: I had to learn to trust, and move as I was inwardly directed. That makes wonderful sense ot me.
There is no doubt in my mind that your "large promotional project" will be a glorious success for all concerned.
With love, blessings and appreciation,
Anne
What a lovely post! I can just see that vulnerable little girl in you peeking out as you extend your reach farther into the world! It is time! Congratulations on 40 consecutive weeks! wow. Not a single week off. That is dedication!
I am starting to put myself "out there" more too. Maybe it is the September winds that put out fresh new projects and plans!
I am glad you continue to bring us fresh, supportive and insightful work, and I look forward to each and every week!
Kari
Thank you very much for dropping by here.
I am excited for you starting to put yourself more "out there". As you say, perhaps it is the September feeling coming on! You have much to offer your fresh new projects and plans. Keep me posted on developments. I look forward to hearing more.
I really appreciate your kind words here.
With love,
Anne
self doubt is common to us all and it comes in different packages. Either from I am not good enough or I am the greatest. Not many people think that someon who thinks they are the greatest doubts themselves but when you think you are the worst or the best (above others) it is the opposite of the same coin.
Chances are you are hiding. Through mindful awareness we can see ourselves just as we are. At times in our lives we may feel we are a loser and at other times we may feel like we are queen or king of the world.
On the path to enlightenment when a person is close to the realisation of their true nature doubt may arise as a last challenge. You can go either way. The Buddha was challenged right before his full awakening by Mara the temptress. She asked, "what right do you have to be enlightened?" The Buddha touched the earth and replied, "May the earth bear witness, I deserve to be Enlightened."
Joyfully,
Ed
I so appreciate your insights, wisdom and contribution to the discussion here. There is a quality of peace in your words as I read them. I hope others benefit similarly from your centredness and truth.
What you share is just so beautiful.
Many blessings of love to you,
Anne
I am happy you are my efriend *
Joyfully,
Ed
And yes..I "think" about writing my story..(didn't add that in 2003-5...head on collission THEN undiagnosed Lyme disease...YIKES...)...the key is..I'm still here... I just don't want to write a poor me..see how I've overcome a very strange sequence of events since Dec. 28, 2003......
I'll try to figure out a unique approach....but you two..HAVE to at least get the book from the library when it's published..okay?
Peace,
Keep us posted with your book developments. It sounds to me as though you have been on an amazing journey of discovery. Your overcomings could well inspire others to see their lives in a new light.
Bon courage!
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8132857.stm
From the article: "The researchers, led by psychologist Joanne Wood, said: 'Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.'"
Let me be blunt: In modern society there are many people who receive little or no positive feedback, sense of personal achievement, feeling of worth, or fulfillment from their jobs, from their social lives, or from their relationships. I strongly doubt that fantasizing an internal "coach" or cheerleader will do these individuals much good. Per the Canadian study, it may even do them harm. If you tell yourself that you are great and that you are going to succeed when you repeatedly do not, how is this going to make life more livable for you? At the very least, it can lead to impaired reality testing. Awareness of one's defeats is part of psychological health. "Amor fati," as Nietzsche used to say.
Thank you very much for your comment and point of view. There are many ways to build a sense of value and self-esteem. Affirmations are a wonderful resource for many people. They do not work for everyone.
The move that seems to be happening is the more people are becoming accountable and responsible for their well-being; learning to explore and find what works for them to achieve it. The role of positive psychology is relatively recent, gaining greater credence and becoming more available as a resource. Not all psychologists may agree with it.
With the growing interest in all kinds of self-help, people are being offered many options from which to choose. If one methodology does not work, there are plenty more to choose from. There are also many inspiring stories of people who have come through extreme difficulties to show what can be achieved, outside of laboratory testing. Human beings are very remarkable and I think we have yet to discover how much so.
I very much appreciate your contribution to the discussion.
With warmest good wishes,
Anne
I totally agree that self-doubt can be productive and is even necessary for personal evolution to take place. And while there's probably no way for it to exist without the ambiguity, it is precisely in the disambiguation where the progress lies to a large extent.
Thank you for dropping by - so good to see you again! I love what you say here about the different aspects of self-doubt.
What you say here reminds me that whatever the opinions of others, we are best to be true to ourselves. There are two sayings I find useful about doubt. If in doubt, don't do. And when in doubt, check it out. Doubt, and self-doubt, can be gateways to deeper trust in oneself and trust in the process of life as a whole. Not always comfortable, but taken with awareness can be very valuable.
I really appreciate your thoughtful comment.
With love to you,
Anne
Warm good wishes to you,
Anne