In times of transition and stress, we look to each other for comfort, reassurance or simply a good laugh. A crisis draws people together. We may find sheer pleasure, enjoyment and sense of meaning through being more open and available to each other.
You may have come to depend on what you can buy for your happiness - movies, meals out, new clothes, cars or holidays. Less affluent need not mean less happy. The reverse might be true. What if you could be even happier, through your greater connections with others, close to you or further away?
I have learned that no one else can make me happy. Happiness is in my hands, and within my reach. Explore these suggestions for connecting to greater happiness:
1. Intention and Focus
What is your intention for greater happiness? Connect inwardly with your vision by seeing, feeling, hearing yourself happier. Have photos around you of your happy moments; smile to yourself when you are walking or driving; nurture happy thoughts.
Know your needs for connection with others. Do you see enough of those you care for the most? What about more casual friends and acquaintances? Are you someone who likes time alone? We are each different. Our needs may change at different times in life.
2. Be happier with you
Listening to an interview with John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I learned he had been a monk for 9 years. During that time, he was primarily relating, and learning to be happy, with himself. This discipline gave him the foundation for subsequently guiding others in relationships, and for his bestselling books.
Connect with, accept and appreciate the best in yourself. Connect with your wisdom and natural joy. Look for and praise the good that you are, and the good that you do. Learn how to respond constructively when negative emotions arise.
3. Expand your capacity for happiness
We can educate and train ourselves away from the high peaks of excitement and the lows of depression and despondency.
Watch South African Bruce Muzik describing staying in the middle zone of our emotions - using chopsticks and a napkin. In this zone, we are better able to attract and connect with others.
4. Enrich your connections with family and close friends
Have you found that you cannot change those closest to you - parents, children, spouse - a co-worker? You can accept and appreciate them just as they are. You can potentially change your attitude towards them.
The closer you are to someone, the riskier it is to be as honest, open and authentic as you might be - and the more rewarding when you are.
Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
5. Touch
We make connections through our feelings and emotions. Touching others with our understanding and empathy, through careful listening and gentle eye contact, awakens the happiness of love.
On two separate occasions, I have seen young French mothers caressing their infants' faces and watched their babies bathing in serenity and happiness. Try gently caressing your own face during a tiring day, breathing deeply as you do so.
Do you get enough hugs? As adults we thrive on the unspoken connection that a warm hug gives to us. Be willing to ask for hugs, or offer them as this man did in Australia:
6. Casual Connections
Social Networking is in vogue. I call it "contact without consequence". Clearly it has value because so many are using it, and around the world.
If Social Networking is not for you, how about making contact with people locally? A word exchanged on a park bench, in a supermarket line or walking your dog can enrich your sense of community and feeling at one with your world.
7. Reach out
If you have been laid off or left full-time work, you may wish to replace the casual contact you had when employed. Find an interest you can learn or share with others in your community. Singing in a choir, oil painting, acting, salsa dancing, mountain biking or hiking for example.
Give some of your time and talents for those in need. In giving, allow yourself to receive the joy of the connection. John Morton's article: Balancing Giving and Receiving speaks to this.
8. Laughter connects
Have you ever been doubled up with laughter, reduced to a helpless heap with pure joy - for no reason at all? Like in church, for example, when everything is very serious and laughter is, well, just not appropriate? The more you try to stop laughing, the less you can.
Watch how one man transformed a journey on the metro for his fellow passengers. Notice the connections being made.
Bodhisattva in metro
If you would like a free pdf copy of the revised Clear Results Self-Assessment, let me know. I would love to hear from you, either as a comment here or contact me at ClearResults@mac.com
Follow Anne Naylor on Twitter: www.twitter.com/Anne4Joy
We interviewed John Gray for our new book - I was somewhat surprised that he was a monk for 9 years with the Maharishi and was his personal assistant- his new book Why Mars and Venus Collide is far different than his monk nature.
We interviewed him and his consciousness was soaring and then he gave a public talk and he came into his other more sexual mode both were brilliant but outrageous- love the man.
Lovingly,
Ed
Great to have your comment - as always! I look forward to seeing John Gray's new book - thanks for mentioning it.
I think it is our spiritual connection that gives freedom to all our other avenues of expression - we are rich indeed, when we allow ourselves to be so! Amazing world we live in.
Your presence is a blessing and greatly appreciated! Dance on!
With love to you,
Anne
I nearly missed it!
I love the way you string the basic elements of happiness together.
So many are so simple, yet combined truly make for a life's work that is worth following and can make a major difference in life!
I have loved watching all the new studies and research coming out on happiness... it only helps us to validate in our Left Brain what we know to be true in our hearts- that connecting feels good, laughter is the best medicine and helping others in turns helps us.
Thanks for this!
Kari
Thank you for a wonderful article that came at a time I need to connect with others. My son passed away last month, and my wife and I are still grieving but have been looking for other ways to connect and re-connect with others. Your article gives us this. Thank you again.
Thank you very much for your comment. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your son. Your grieving must be very considerable.
I hope that you may now find some wonderful people with whom to connect and find some comfort at this sad time.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
Sometimes it pushes people apart too. Just happened to me.
Thank you for your comment. Yes, I am aware that a crisis does sometimes push people apart, especially where there is considerable stress being experienced..
Life changes may demand that we let go of people who have been important to us, sometimes to be replaced by others who match more closely who we are becoming.
I appreciate your thought.
Warm good wishes,
Anne
funny, just happened to me too. But it was the other one doing the pushing.
Like really hard.
So good to see you here and thank you very much for your comment and so kind words - very much appreciated. Yes, I have been blessed with happiness and it is my joy to share it.
Yesterday, I went to celebrate my mother's 87th birthday - a very joyous occasion. We had some good laughs.
Wishing you a very happy rest of weekend - and week ahead - with many blessings!
Anne
www.kiva.org
Thank you very much for your comment and suggesting this wonderful way of connecting with and serving others. The area of micro-financing is one of the best recent innovations for making a powerful difference in people's lives. I very much appreciate your mentioning it here.
With warm good wishes to you,
Anne
This is a treasure! I'm laughing out loud as I write this. Such good medicine for the soul.
And that's what you and your posts always are.... good medicine for the soul. Thank you for the wonderful journey you extend to us each week. I always know I'm going to be fed by what you write and this time is no exception.
I think Jason hit the nail on the head, at least for me. I find that happiness is not something to be pursued, but to be embraced, for it's right here, right now, right where ever we are, in each and every moment. We can be the source of joy and laughter if we so choose.
Thanks again for this uplifting and beautiful article.
You're a blessing,
Judith
This is great, I've been contemplating a lot the idea of moving beyond the paradigm of "pursuit of happiness" and rather moving into acceptance and the pursuit of balance! I have found that it is in the state of acceptance/gratitude/balance where joy really lives, even among seeming despair.
This is great!
Love and light!
Jason
I love your shift of perspective away from the pursuit of happiness to greater balance. I find there are other ways to be expansive and fulfilled that are more akin to breathing in, and breathing out. Time to act; time to hold and listening in between. The gaps in between often contain those elusive moments of happiness.
Thank you very much for your comment - much appreciated!
With love to you,
Anne
As always my heart leaps when I see your post! Thank you for giving me a glee pie on this Saturday morning! I believe that the world is better due to Casual Connectins- particularly in public.
My sister lives in Italy and I see how the qualiity of life is enhanced by taking time to chat with neighbors, shop keepers and the like. I'll put this into practice as I dash off to Target and the grocery store.
Love,
Eli Davidson
I so agree with you about those casual connections. I was riding on trains yesterday and it was lovely to acknowledge my fellow passengers. There was a great spring-like feel among people. Financial fall out or none, people seemed to be having a really good time. It was fun to be out.
The Southern Europe quality of life I find is especially warm and connecting. In France, strangers get easily into deep conversations about food preparation, cooking methods, herbs etc. Nothing like sharing a passion!
Wishing you a wonderfully connected and happy rest of weekend!
With love,
Anne
Added to which, the videos are superb. I'm going to incubate on each and see what comes.
May your weekend renew you, and be a source of much,much happiness back your way,
Cara