Does a good friend call upon you to be your best? Could a caring friend hurt you, without meaning to? Has a friend ever helped you to be more aware of your strengths and qualities?
I have often heard the ego being described as some kind of enemy -- the bad guy who takes us off the straight and narrow path of our enlightenment and feelings of well-being. Is that necessarily the case?
In my last two articles, I have been exploring wealth and value from another perspective: "Wealth: A Broader View" and "Learning to Treasure Yourself."
One part of the mission I work with is:
The appreciation of human value.
In human value I recognize as the magnificent human spirit, soul or divine essence that sustains each one of us. It is the loving presence within us that embraces, without condition, every aspect of our nature.
Appreciation has the meaning both of gratitude, and increase of value. In nature, I see something I call "divine economy." Nothing is wasted. Everything has its place and purpose, including the limiting side of the ego. So what is it?
I view the limiting ego as a tool to educate us, to provide a springboard into our true or deeper self. Most of us do not wish to be miserable. We will spend a lot of money on being happy - clothes, treats, toys, holidays, indulgences of one sort or another. However, maybe we do not have to be spending so much in the way of cash to be enjoying greater health, wealth and happiness. Divine economy.
When I choose a tricky subject to write about (such as ego) -- or, it feels, like "it" chooses me -- I often get the blessing (seems questionable at the time) of experiencing the downside, while I get the opportunity to crawl back to the upside. I now come "hot off the press" as it were.
This week, I began working on a new venture. My mind and emotions got so engaged with the way I thought it should go, that I lost my perspective for a while and my creative enthusiasm died. I felt like giving the whole thing up and forgetting about it. When I was able to release myself from the ego and its attachments, a space opened up in which I could see the project more clearly and take it a few steps further.
With friends who speak of the ego as being the baddie, I notice they have a very healthy ego. That is to say they seem to be enjoying their lives, by and large, and successfully manage their way through their challenges. They also seem to recognize easily the traps of the ego and know to refocus on the joy present for them.
If not a friend, maybe could the ego be a servant? Could it serve us as we observe its patterns to reconnect with our essence, divinity, inner knowingness or human spirit?
The ego is made up of our mind and emotions, thoughts and feelings. These are essential items of our human equipment for getting around in the world. The ego is also linked to our personality, the face we show into the world and helps us to get along.
So where does it all go wrong? The limiting side of the ego is the one that criticizes and condemns; that judges and makes comparisons; that fears and dwells in anger, resentment or blame; that gets attached to the past, guilt and shame; grows dependent upon attention and seeks approval; divides and separates; is possessive, obsessive and addictive and otherwise makes us feel miserable.
On the other hand, the healthy ego is a force for good in the world. The passion, emotion and intention to contribute, to benefit yourself and others; simple living and enjoying the gifts of the present moment; responding spontaneously to needs that show up; cooperating to make things better; being one who is peaceful -- all of these can be recognized as aspects of the spiritual ego, the one that loves, cares and serves.
In the past, when I have been feeling a bit down, I have a good friend I would call. Inevitably she would point out how my ego was getting in my way -- with self-judgments, false expectations, comparisons, wishing things were other than they were. In such times, the ego is my teacher and I am the student. These days, I do not generally call her because as soon as I think of her, I look for where my ego has distorted what is true for me.
The next time you are feeling a bit blue or out of sorts, try this Ego Check:
1. Accept
When you feel out of sorts, acknowledge your feelings. Do not criticize yourself for thinking you should not feel that way. Know that these feelings are not who you truly are. Observe and watch your feelings and thoughts. Be with them. They are not right or wrong. For the moment, let them be. Be tender and gentle with yourself.
2. Let go
Take a few minutes to switch off and do absolutely nothing. Breathe deeply. Forgive any judgments you have made, against yourself or anyone else. Disengage from everything you think is so important. It probably is not. You can return to your tasks when you are feeling more refreshed and at peace with yourself. Chances are when you return, you will complete what you need to do more easily, quickly and effectively and with more joy.
3. Refocus
Invest some time in doing something different that gives you pleasure -- a walk, singing to yourself, reading a good book, cleaning up a cupboard, massaging your feet. Take some time to notice all the good in your life and feel grateful for it. Call a friend and find something to have a good laugh about. Listen to inspiring words from a speaker you admire.
SShaw490's comment from last week inspired me:
I've been a little obsessed with the notion that each of us is entrusted by our Creator with some special, personal gift of God-ness that is deep and wonderful. Maybe someone is gifted with empathy, and just understands and feels what others feel and can uniquely comfort those who mourn; maybe it's generosity, and giving to those who are in need is such a blessing in itself; maybe it's passion, and we find life to be an emotional, creative, joyous thing; maybe it's mystery, and we reveal pieces of ourselves to others in stages, yet we long to be fully open and we hope to be that one day; maybe it's the joy of productivity, and we love the process of just doing those small things that build and build and we find our work multiplying like fields of wheat in the summertime.We all have a little piece of God inside, and we all have the ability to express it in our own unique way. It's good to be alive.
Finally, from John-Roger in his book, Spiritual Warrior: The Art of Spiritual Living
Once you love the enemy inside, once you embrace it, that enemy will transform and yield its power to you. At that moment, you are sitting on the most wonderful wealth of your existence. The ability to do, the strength to do it, and the energy to complete it; that is the true wealth. Out of that come our health and our happiness.
Does your limiting ego get in your way -- for example: need to be right, or self-doubting or over-critical? In what ways does your healthy ego serve you and others? How do you re-connect with your joy when things do not go the way you want? I would love to hear from you.
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com
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Ed and Deb Shapiro: How Easily the Ego Can Seduce You
Id, ego, and super-ego - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I am so happy to have found this post because I've been working through so many of the things you mention in this post - making friends with my ego and my passions in order to let them serve me.
In doing so I admit that many of the ego issues have simply died on the vine since making friends with my ego and this has been an enormous change in the quality of my life.
I am delighted to read what you have to say.
Congratulations on effecting an enormous change in the quality of your life - I am assuming it has been a good change!
Blessings to you,
Anne
I love the ego check tips. Its so important to embrace the ego to truely understand our human existence. I teach my clients how to balance ego, depending on what ego type the client has. Ego is just as important as our higherself and when we pay attention to our ego chatter we can get clear insight to what our purpose is and what we need to be mindful of.....two thumbs up and well said!!!!
Blessings,
Tara Taylor
www.whitelightwellness.com
Thank you very much for dropping by and for your contribution, I appreciate how you address the ego for your clients.
With love and blessings to you,
Anne
I'm enjoying your pieces so much. What you are saying here is vital. So many times the poor ego gets 'a bad wrap.' The fact is that without some sense of 'who we are in the world,' we cannot function in the world. A swift to the local psychiatric ward to visit patients there, say with delusions of grandeur, will make the point.
That said, the fact is that we know very little about the vast Depths of our Spiritual nature. Unfortunately, little Monkey Mind (ego on steroids) can get so easily distracted with the next 'bright shiny thing before us.' I know the syndrome, well. The challenge seems to be one of bright-shiny-thing interuptus': noticing when I'm pulled away from that which holds eternal, sustaining value, and getting re-engaged by returning to that place of Stillness that helps me remember what matters.
Thanks Anne, for what you've launched here.
Much love,
Cara
Great to see you here. Yes, those bright and shiny things are such a distraction to the Depths of our Spiritual Nature.
Then I think it is a thing of breathing in and breathing out. We engage, then disengage. Those are
the colours and textures we get to experience through living on this level. Could we experience heaven on earth? It would take a lot of discipline.
With love and appreciation to you as always,
Anne
Embracing the ego can sometimes be a part of transcending it. In my experience.
Blessings to you,
Anne
In order to gain transcendent wisdom we must first obtain a transcendent perspective.
I agree with obtaining a transcendent perspective to gain transcendent wisdom. Easier said than always done in my experience.
Joy and blessings to you,
Anne
What a great article and what a lively discussion you have sparked! I love your exchange with readers and the thought-provoking questions people have posed.
In spite of what the CIM (Course In Miracles) says, I no longer regard my ego as an enemy, but now, more like a sometimes errant adolescent, who wants very much to be a partner in my own transformation, but sometime reverts back to its primitive instincts and gets me in trouble.
For example, sometimes, my ego just has to have that new pair of shoes that I don't need and will probably seldom wear. It's the part of me that "wants" things and thinks it/I am incomplete unless I "have". In light of my topic for next week's post, Claiming Abundance in the Face of Scarcity, I can see I still have work to do in this area. But this also serves me to be aware of my own opportunities for growth and to contribute to others' as well.
So I think the ego can definitely be a friend, but it requires that we enroll it to get on board with our larger vision of who we are and what we want our lives to be about. It can either be a servant/ally or a slave master. The choice seems obvious.
Thanks again, sweet Anne, for cracking open such a juicy harvest of ideas!
Much love,
Judith
I am looking forward to your next article and can very much relate with what you say about needing certain things (shoes will do it) to feel complete, or for me worthwhile.
What I am loving about this conversation is how much we are aware of certain dynamics, as the ego, that can make us victims of circumstances, and run our lives unconsciously, until we choose otherwise. What a blessing all the personal development education has brought to us in recent years.
Always so good to see you here and thank you for joining in the conversation
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
Particularly since I am the most fabulous person on this planet and so, I often kiss myself on the hand or arm - wherever I am - in congratulations on making it here there everywhere.
I know how to make others feel good inside - I truly do - and it's all about listening and pointing out the good things that are glaringly obvious to me which they need to hear. My smile works wonders for me as it's my sun and my yardstick though it doesn't always show on the outside - I'm not much of a smiler actually. I like to laugh though and people tell me its infectious.
I good at being me be she good, bad, indifferent. The ego is what it is and I recognise it more when she's on my bad side which is fine too. As you say Anne, it's just a signal that I need to work another thing out.
Greaaat article and thank you as always Anne.
Catherine
What a joy to read your exuberant spirit once again!
You impress me as someone who is fully embracing yourself and all that life brings to you. Keep it up.
With love, laughter and blessings to you,
Anne
http://raisingamazingdaughters.wordpress.com
You speak wisely of a high level of awareness that we can have to make the best choices for ourselves. That seems to me to be of great value. To be able to act more knowingly. In that way, we are less likely to be fooled and make choices that do not serve us.
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
Love it all, thats my part, whatever part I don't love thats my homework John-Roger
I love this: "When I let go and open to a different viewing point I expand into a greater field."
It reminds me of that wonderful Rumi quote: "Out beyond the ideas of wrong-doing and right-doing there is a field. I'll meet you there."
Great to see you here - thanks for dropping by!
With love and blessings,
Anne
My Ego is my friend.
Its Part of Me, and It Needs Love Too!
So true! Every part of us needs love. The ego no less than any other.
Joy and laughter to you,
Anne
I love your name! Being aware of the limiting side of the ego can be a step to being free towards it, and therefore happier in ourselves.
Perhaps more of us have to feel the unhappiness that relates to the limiting ego for us to be aware we have another and better choice available to us.
With love and appreciation to you,
Anne
Sometimes, frankly, I don't know if I'm acting from my True Self or my ego.. We are supposed to think well of ourselves, but is that "egotistical?" .I think I have a clue, though. When I'm acting from my True Self I'm peaceful and wish others well. When I'm in a striving mode and trying to compete with others, then I'm know I'm coming from my ego. Another clue is if I'm willing for everyone to be happy and have good lives, or if I just want the good stuff for me. Obviously the limited view of "self" is the ego speaking. When we are in our True Selves then we really do want everyone to be happy. We can think well of ourselves (healthy self-esteem) and have the same high regard for others. It's not about "I'm the greatest." It's about "we are all great!"
Hope this helps.
What you are saying here very much matches my sense of things. Loving and inclusiveness seem to be the keys to unlock the traps of the limiting side of ego.
Thank you for your clarity.
Joy and happiness to you,
Anne