Recently, I have talked with several people about their negative experiences at work: bullying supervisors; colleagues set on the main chance without thought or regard for others; a project micro-managed by an executive keen for personal kudos, undermining the value to others.
In an email response to my article last week: Discovering Your Passion, one reader wrote:
My workplace has in the last few years become a rudderless ship, a toxic place with a lot of unhappy people. A place needing love. I have been staying sane the past two years by focusing on my gratitude of having a job! Someone in another division just commented to me this past week that they could sense the vortex of the negative energy and its pull in our library. It was at that point that I realized I've been sucked into that more than I realized and in doing so mindlessly, helping it spin a bit too. I caught myself in that energy, contributing to that energy, repeatedly throughout the week...argh!
If you are in a toxic workplace, what choices do you have? Normally, I would say: get out and find another job. Given that you spend most of your waking day at work, it surely cannot be worth subjecting yourself to the stress and distress of negativity.
However, these days, that may be easier said than done. Jobs in your area may now be fewer. There is a saying: What doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
So what is the opportunity you are being given? What strengths can you build? How can the "dark" times come to serve you? What is their greater purpose for you? How can you be more creative?
A few years ago, I went through a relatively dark time. I say relatively because in the light of the Pakistan floods, nothing I have been through can compare. I used my own time of darkness to turn to the lightness of the spirit within me. It was a daily commitment to focus in ways that enabled me to become truer to myself. Although I did not know it at the time, I was preparing myself for something much better which was to show up later.
Here are a few suggestions that might assist you to lift above any dark times:
1. Gratitude
As with my correspondent above, it helps to be grateful for just what you do have now. Take time each day to count your blessings and focus on them. Do not allow yourself to dwell in the negative, however pervasive it may seem to be.
This interview with 81-year-old Sir John Templeton inspired me last week. It is about 45 minutes long but well worth listening to for his personal philosophy, which includes being grateful as a way of dealing with fear.
Investment Pioneer Sir John Templeton
2. Recognize your Purpose
Knowing your purpose in it will help give meaning to a challenge. You may be feeling troubled in order to lend encouragement to others. You may be discovering qualities you did not know you had before. You may creatively find new ways of running a project that you had not previously considered. At the very least, you will have a lesson that doubtless will serve you (or someone else) in future. What can you learn?
3. Seek out the Hearteners
You might enjoy being a "good news hound." There are no prizes for finding negativity. There is a lot of it about. There are also wonderful heartening stories that may make you smile and lift your spirits.
This is one such video. An important subject is being addressed, and with beautiful humour.
The Prince's Rainforests Project Awareness Campaign Video
4. Humour
Watch, listen to, read things that make you laugh. Laughter gives you perspective and distance from your challenges. If not laugh, a wry smile. Smiling too can help lift your spirits. Try smiling as you are driving, walking or running.
5. Water
Drink plenty of water during the day. Water has a way of flushing negative emotions out of your system.
6. Nurture yourself
Make your out of work hours nourishing and enriching. Eat healthy food, take up sport or a physical exercise of some kind, meditate and take time for the inner you, have fun with dear friends.
7. Your Dreams
If life has delivered what seems like a dead end, you may have been stopped in your tracks for a good reason. There may be something much better ahead for you that you have yet to fulfill. What dreams have you forgotten, or discarded, that might now be ready for you to pursue?
Commenting on my article, Finding your Personal Motivational Trend, "henryWhatsis" had this to say:
I am very fortunate that I earn money doing something I love. I took a leap of faith and went back to school at 29, even though I didn't have a clue what I wanted to study. I took an intro to programming class, and distinctly remember the day when I was working on my homework, debugging my code, and a thought popped into my head: "Hey, I could do this for a living!" If I could, I would wish this feeling on everyone. I changed my major and have never looked back.
The correspondent mentioned above, tracking the positive subtle shifts now taking place for her, concluded: "the universe is so very cool." I agree.
Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.
Kahlil Gibran
What makes you laugh -- or smile? In a down time, what do you do to keep up and keep going? Forgotten dreams -- do you have any that you could now realize?
Please feel free to leave a comment below, or contact me at anne@annenaylor.com
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Dr. Michelle Callahan: 10 Tips for Dealing with Bullies at Work
Steve McSwain: Ego-Driven Fear and 5 Ways to Overcome It
I think too many of us have very negative and toxic things happen in our workplaces, and those experiences start to define our jobs - we hold on to them, resent them, dwell on them, own them. We need to let those things flow through us and say, "This is not me, this does not define me, I can just do this work to the best of my ability and let all this other stuff flow through me."
As you say, don't latch on to it - let the pain flow through you, don't own it. You'll find it's not so bad.
I love your name!
What you say here: "how critical it is to look for and see the goodness wherever it might be." is very wise to me.
Looking for the goodness makes it so much easier to contribute our best and live a good life.
I appreciate your wisdom. Thank you for writing.
Blessings to you,
Anne
Instead, we should use energy while we have a job to improve our situation by plotting another career path through education, certification or gaining experience through volunteer opportunities. Action that leads to positive change is empowering.
"Action that leads to positive change is empowering." I so agree with you.
Thank you for commenting.
Warmest good wishes to you,
Anne
Great post, Anne!
Kari
I love how you held to your own truths in negative work environments. Whenever I am challenged (from whatever direction, including my own) I find I build more inner strength that serves me in all kinds of ways.
So good to hear from you as always!
Blessings to you,
Anne
I read the article and I didn't feel misled at all.
The point was to share inspiring/positive ideas...doesn't matter whether the person who embodied the ideas is currently alive or not (at least for the purpose of this article).
I am truly puzzled by your peculiar comment. Was it a weak "argumentum ad hominem" attack, or merely an inane attempt at a personal put-down?
If we all had to mention the passing of a famous person each time we used their words or messages, Elvis impersonators would be saying, "Thank you very much! He's dead you know.", or discussions of the wisdom in "Know thyself", attributed to at least six ancient Greek sages, would be followed by, "...but they are all dead of course."
Now, slide to the other end of your scale... would we not then be obligated to indicate those who who are still with us, to avoid confusion and criticism for misleading in the other direction?
To denigrate either Sir John's message, or Anne's use of it for a positive purpose, merely because his death was not mentioned, is itself misleading at best, and at worse, misguided: it is simply not relevant.
I sincerely hope you take the time to re-examine the purpose and motivation behind your comment, and in so doing, find peace and comfort in your efforts.
Lawson Meadows
I am very touched by those of you who have contributed comments to those who are presently facing difficulties in their work situations. Thank you for taking the time to share your encouragement and caring.
I so appreciate the community we have here on the Living Page.
With joy and blessings,
Anne
about what is happening in ....life.
Yet another great post! I love to read your positive, encouraging, real-world pieces. They really help me. This post put me in a favorable frame of mind from the beginning because I have a wonderful workplace that is positive for the most part, with only one or two negative people. I am very grateful for this, and for all of your suggestions!
I am very happy to hear that my posts are helpful for you. Writing them gives me pleasure too.
Wishing you a very happy week ahead!
Anne
Good stuff this! Too many people are adrift with no inner or outer focus. I hope that some of them will read and benefit from your words.
Gratitude: Each Day to the mirror I say, “Happy to be here; have a great day!" It keeps grumpies away.
Purpose: My map for maintaining focus while pursuing my passion.
Harteners: I looked; found a few here on Huffpost - but more, I like being one too.
Humor: Laughing with others, and at myself keeps me positive, and sane!
Water: I add tea. Tried just water… had the same problem as “laaambchop”. With tea, not so much...
Nurture Yourself: I struggle with diet and exercise. When off: I read, write and talk, which is what I do when I am on…. my passion and all that.
Your Dreams: They know no age or education, background or history. I have found my “dream” late, but daily it is what drives and supports me, and I it.
Starting each day positive, we can navigate the sea of negatives to which many of our fellow sailors succumb. Unsure of how each day or even hour will be experienced, to expect better, more than worse, is surely preferred. We must have faith in ourselves.
Kahil Gabran also said, “Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.”
Anne, your steps are great guideposts by which to travel both the inner and outer journey each day.
Thanks for the help!
Lawson Meadows
Great to see you here again - thank you!
I love your remedy for keeping the grumpies away. And I love this quote:
Kahil Gabran also said, “Faith is a knowledge within the heart, beyond the reach of proof.” Matches my sense of things.
I appreciate very much your input here, and with others who have commented.
Joy and fun to you,
Anne
You ask:
What makes you laugh -- or smile? when I am with my best friend and wife Deb - we laugh a lot, have fun, play a lot and smile :-)) one great reason is that we are in tune and on the same wave length and it amazes me when we find ourselves agreeing and seeing things in the same light!
In a down time, what do you do to keep up and keep going? Meditate, meditate - ski, cycle, walk and be with whatever is happening - being a friend to myself, breathing and seeing what it is that is going on - but I really don't get down for the most part. - but one never knows as life is a mystery!
Love is the best and most soothing balm!
Love - Ed
So good to see you here - thank you!
How true that life is a mystery so best to be without too many expectations. Prepare to be surprised!
Yes, to love being the best and most soothing balm! I think we were each made to love - to give and receive it. There really need be no shortage...
Huge love and huggy blessings to you,
Anne
This is really great and very timely too. I always say that it is more important to change our attitudes than to change our actions. Thanks for giving us concrete steps for dealing with negativity at work because as you say, many of us can't easily change jobs.
Love, Molly
Great to see you here and thank you for commenting.
Potentially, we can always change our attitudes even if we are unable to change our actions. Though I have found that changing my attitude sometimes opens up a possible change of action.
Either ways, it seems that changes happen from the inside out.
With love to you,
Anne
That is a point. When we change our attitudes, we are often able to see things differently and then my actions become much more inspired!
Molly
This has been well-known by most employees, but since the discrimination is covert, rather than overt, few have made inquiries and I know of no EEOC complaints at this "Equal Opportunity Employer." When an inquiry was made regarding the apparent preference for people of a certain "demographic group," the HR department responded by changing policy so that all interview and candidate consideration files were to be destroyed after the interview and selection process was complete, an obvious goal here to keep such records being discoverable in an EEOC complaint.
People don't want to step up, because it will obviously lose them their job, in an economy where another job is not certain. I find it difficult to believe in this "buyer's market" similar employment law violations are happening everywhere to drive down costs, and to boost profits.
So many of the unemployed are disproportionately protected classes.
Your work situation seems very unpleasant. I hope that in time something might change for you, or that you are able to find another and better environment in which to work.
Wishing you some positive changes for the future.
Anne
And I love your comment - thank you!
With blessings to you,
Anne
Great article! People need all the sources of support they can get to bolster themselves against the flood of negative energy we're awash in today. It seems we're marinating in it! Even reading the HuffPost, one of my main sources of news, I feel it. It's beginning to feel hopeless. Whatever happened to that "hopey changey thing" we were promised?
The news all around is bad and getting worse. In this environment, it's difficult to keep one's spirits elevated, yet all the more important for everyone to be responsible for maintaining their little piece of civility in the world. We have no idea of the impact we have on others or how our own negativity an infect an entire workplace.
Thanks for the tips! I would add, take a look in the mirror every morning and remind yourself you have a choice. This can be a miserable day and you can be at its effect, or you can choose to be a source of joy and love. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the work of awareness.
The bottom line: people just want to be loved, no matter what the exterior looks like. Even the surly curmudgeons want to be loved. Ask me how I know..... the subject of my post next week!
Much love,
Judith
I am such a fan! Your phrase about it being "important for everyone to be responsible for maintaining their little piece of civility in the world." reflects the key ingredient to playing well with others, and the "fact" that people can choose the kind of effect they have by choosing the kind of person they are, too often is lost in the gristmill of fear and misguided expectations.
I too get a bit disheartened at the pace of positive change, but I try to remember the "hopey changey thing" starts and ends within each of us, but like Anne said, times are tough... guess we need to dig deeper for the joy.
With high regard,
Lawson Meadows
I so agree with you about people needing sources of support to bolster themselves against the flood of negative energy.
However, I also feel in my bones that we are being "given" this negative energy to bring forward more of our spirits so that can lift right above it. Because we can. And yes we need a little help from our friends - many of them here on the Living page - which makes it so wonderful.
We are none of us alone.
I love what you say about "the work of awareness". My sense is that this work is all a part of the awakening that is available to each one of us that chooses to participate.
I look forward to your post this week. YES, to we all want to be loved. And to love.
With great warmth and appreciation to you as always,
Anne
Fear and incompetence are the main causes of this awful problem. Incompetent workplace leadership creates an environment of fear. Fear breeds negativity via workplace cliques and office politics. I can rant about the incompetent piece but I won’t. And there wouldn’t be much argument. Just look at all the failing companies where executives manage to walk away with multi-million dollar bonuses.
It was reported earlier this week, about the rise in employed workers walking away from their jobs because of this very topic. Six to ten hours a day on average is a significant part of one’s life to spend in an environment that is negative and toxic.
One could do well to over come workplace negativity by not engaging in office gossip. Using lunch time to decompress can also be effective. Take a walk and reflect on all that is good in your life.
I agree with your assessment of the piddling number of capable and caring leaders willing to stand and be accountable, not only for their actions, but to the employees. As you say, the combination of fear and incompetence equals a big bucket of bad stuff.
I would add that the negative environment destabilizes not just the company, but the "ground" upon which the employees stand: with a downward spiral of confidence, they are not at the top of their game either, further damaging the precarious position many companies occupy. It is not a great cycle, but your suggestions, coupled with the awareness that each of us is ultimately in charge of our life can help.
We can only hope...
Lawson
Good to see you here again. I appreciate your suggestions here: "Using lunch time to decompress can also be effective. Take a walk and reflect on all that is good in your life."
What is so beautiful is how readers are responding with care and interest. It is very touching to me. We live in a very caring world.
With love to you,
Anne