The 3 A Formula: Simple Steps To Get Clear And Free

"Move into the joy of this moment. That's a sign of inner peace - an unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment. Look around and see who's near you. Make eye contact. Spread the joy."

--John Morton

If the news is anything to go by, we are in for tough times ahead. However, I have never been too keen on predictions. Until something has happened, it hasn't.

For all we know right now, 2009 could be the most remarkably good year that any of us have yet to experience. What is more, it can be that when things are really difficult, we find greater meaning, sense of purpose, deeper self-knowledge and even more fun because we reach out to others in our community for support and fellowship. What might look bad turns out to be enriching. What seems diminishing is actually expansive.

So what to do when you might be facing new and challenging circumstances, feeling possibly hopeless or helpless? The 3 A Formula is:

Acceptance

Awareness

Action

Acceptance is a way of saying: I am in charge of my life and I have choices as to how I lead it. What if we can go through life laughing or crying? What would you prefer?

Acceptance does not mean resignation, as in: I may as well give up because there is nothing I can do, and anyway, anything I could do would not make any difference. I call this the Eeyore Syndrome (from A.A. Milne's Winnie The Pooh), quite prevalent I find in England. Born in England, I know it well. Poor old Eeyore is definitely not high in energy or joie de vivre.

Acceptance is a simple statement of observation, the reality of the moment. It is a neutral note in what may be a discordant cacophony.

"Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change."

-- Katherine Mansfield

Awareness is a gift that comes having managed to stand back with some objectivity. Less frozen, we can be open to understanding the truth about a situation, taking a new view of events, or our feelings about them. Movement has taken place. With this movement comes freedom. The situation or experience no longer traps us.

Awareness lifts us above the pit of no hope, gives us visibility, vision, and potentially fresh choices.

"Awareness is the power that is concealed with the present moment. That is why we may also call it presence. The ultimate purpose of human existence, that is to say, your purpose, is to bring that power into this world"

-- Eckhart Tolle

Action is where we effect a change. Action uses up the energy that was stagnating, and makes you feel better. Almost any action makes a difference, if only providing a change of view. Have you ever found that going out for a 15 minute walk can give you a whole new look on things?

Action could be taking a few deep breaths. You are in charge. No one else is going to take those breaths for you. I have girlfriends who put on upbeat music and dance to change their mood. Taking a moment to change that light bulb you have been meaning to change for ages could give you a whole new look on your life, apart from perhaps being able to see better at night.

"Acceptance is not submission; it is acknowledgement of the facts of a situation. Then deciding what you're going to do about it."

-- Kathleen Casey Theisen

Now you have the formula, here is how I have found it works well. The three A's turn into three statements to complete:

I accept that....

I am aware that....

My action is to....

You complete them spontaneously without too much thinking. They could look like this:

I accept that I don't feel like going back to work after the holiday.

I am aware that I do enjoy my job.

My action is to take time out for lunch to give myself a break.

Or:

I accept that I am feeling concerned ever finding another job at my age.

I am aware that there are not many jobs around for people like myself.

My action is to repeat this exercise for more clarity.

I accept that I am feeling concerned about finding another job.

I am aware that I have some really good friends and contacts in my field.

My action is to call Bob who has offered to help me.

Or:

I accept that Patricia is late whenever we arrange a time to get together.

I am aware that I cannot change her.

My action is to take a book with me to read while I wait for her to join me.

In my experience, I have sometimes run through the 3 A's a few times with the same issue until I get the awareness and actions that will move me forward. Why bother? Small actions to take care of our "tiny ten acres" serve to make us feel better. In feeling better, we are clearer about what we can do to effect the bigger changes we want.

You have so much in your life going for you. Yes, I know that life can deal us some cruel blows. But please know that deep down, who you are is so much greater than any slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Maybe this year, you will discover more of the extraordinariness of your ordinary life.

When you feel stuck, how do you get clear? Please leave a comment. I would love to learn from you.

"Accept your genius and say what you think."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

For information about Clear Results Consultations, or for a free pdf copy of the Clear Results Self-Assessment, contact [e-mail].

Comments

[Dr. Judith Rich - Huffpost Blogger]

Anne,

I love your writing. Talk about clear! Your style is clear, free of clutter, gentle and to the point, always.

As you mentioned in your comment on my blog, I too, find that writing is a means for me to get "unstuck". Another voice is heard when I write. It seems to come from a deeper, wiser place. I'm learning to listen and trust it more and more.

I love the simplicity of your 3 A's. The essence of what works is always what is most simple. We're the ones who make life complicated. All the great teachers have taught this for centuries.

So thank you, as always, for your freshness and the sense of delight you bring to the table. What a wonderful contribution you are here in this community.

Wishing you a clear, delightful new year, no matter what the outer circumstances may be.
Judith Rich

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Dear Judith,

Thank you very much for your acknowledgment. I am very appreciative of our community of bloggers - what a lovely gift we are to and for each other.

I feel very blessed to be one of us! And I am looking forward to your next post.

Anne

[lizzwill]

I learned about the 3 As through Al-Anon, and I find the order in which you present them curious. In Al-Anon literature they are presented as Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. As I have used them I have found this sequence significant. I have found that I may well be aware of something for a LONG time before I accept it and then move along with action to change it.
For instance, I may be AWARE that the way I relate to my spouse is very dysfunctional, but I know no other way, so I just live within that dysfunction. Eventually, though, through the help of the program, I come to ACCEPT my spouse's alcoholism as a disease over which I am powerless and to see that I have unwittingly contributed to our problems in trying to control it and him. I think that acceptance is awareness brought to fullness or fruition, and I generally find that it becomes a springboard into ACTION. Once I have accepted that alcoholism is a disease, I no longer try to control or cure it. I employ new helpful behaviors such as detachment, boundary-setting, prayer and meditation, etc.

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your comment and observation about the 3 A's. I have great respect for the 12 Step Programmes and the support, understanding and fellowship they offer in very difficult situations, The way you work the 3 A;s looks highly effective to me.

From my perspective, both acceptance and action can bring about new levels of awareness and therefore choices in perhaps less critical circumstances.

I appreciate your contribution.

Warm good wishes,
Anne

[FemiMommy]

My favorite way to get unstuck is to remind myself that, no matter how bad things feel at the moment, I'm still better off than probably 80-90% of people in the world. I have food, shelter, clothing and people who love me. I am free from physical violence and emotional abuse. Seriously, what more can anyone truly ask for?

As a friend of mine likes to say, "No matter how bad it is, at least they can't eat you." So true.

[PatA]

I am in an extremely difficult position right now and I need all of the help that I can give myself. I've been unemployed since October 20, 2008. I am single and 65 years old. My ex-husband took all we had ( never divorce a popular doctor when the judge might need his gallbladder out on Tuesday) and I receive $710 a month from SS.
I had a mastectomy when I was 31 and have had problems with one side for the last 34 years. Any work that I can do has to be light. I was a fine art photographer for years until the pain of lifting the camera became too much.
I have accepted it.
I am aware that there is little to do do about my physical health.
I am also aware that I am very intelligent, resourceful and have much to give, if in the right position.
My action is to continue my daily job search and pray that ageism will turn it's head when I get a good interview. I will also never loan an offender, in a state prison, a book about George Bush, with my name in it! Who knew we would have a two week lockdown and multiple cell searches? I live in a REd state.

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you very much for telling what is so for you at the moment. I appreciate the challenges you are meeting and the strengths and qualities you have to offer to a good employer. I wish you every success in finding work that you enjoy and that pays you well.

About 25 years ago, I used to give seminars to people facing early retirement. In my researches at that time, I discovered that a lot of people did not reach a peak of life fulfilment until they were in their 70's. I hope that may be true for you.

Warm good wishes to you,
Anne

[cktirumalai]

I lived in England for many years and have lived in the United States even longer. England scores high on realism, with a pessimistic tinge (not an accident that Thomas Hardy is popular), which can sometimes shade into defeatism. I remember a cancer patient emerging from a difficult treatment session replying on being assured by his caregiver that things would be better next time, "If there is a next time." There is a stoic acceptance of the difficult, tinged with defiance, which can be a source of strength.
The more characteristically American stress on limitless or wide possibility can be a source of striving and achievement but can lead to profound disappointment, which Americans take to less readily than the English.
You can certainly make a contribution to trans-Atlantic understanding.

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you for your observation. I too have lived in both England and the US but had not seen so clearly what you point out. I love American energy and enthusiasm and it seems to me that the Americans are presently suffering some of the disappointment you mention.

Well, we are one world and I like to think we can be enriched by the best of all cultures.

I appreciate your comment.

[thisdogdonthunt]

Thanks for the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote, Anne. Says it all. Wish more of used the space in our frontal lobes. I think it was Will Rogers who said, "We're all dumb. Just on different subjects." Your wisdom abounds. I look forward to many more of your posts. I'm also new to the blogging genre. And couldn't be more excited to become a part of the family. Hope I'm welcome!

[thisdogdonthunt]

I, too, am a realist. And a homegrown American. Guess I'm an exception to the rule. Disappointed? Sure. Defeated? Never.

[Alex Pattakos - Huffpost Blogger]

As usual--very nice, Anne! You bring new meaning to calling "AAA" when you are stuck! :)
Your advice also brings to mind that the difference between "ordinary" and "extraordinary" is just that little "extra!"

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Alex! I think we all have that little "extra" - it is so fun to find it.

[Glamorosa]

I loved the quote by John Morton.

Great blog simple, affective and clear.

Thanks Anne

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Anne- I love your blog. It feels like a game. I loved your optimism about 2009.

We hear about inner peace and I wonder if people truly realize how important it is in our lives.One of my teachers said, "You should never compromise your peace. No one not even your husband or wife or children or parents should you allow to disturb your peace."

BTW- Deb is English and we lived in Dartmouth where Milne's son lived. We took daily walks past the pink 'Winnie The Pooh' cottage where he lived. There is an interesting story behind it all.

Joyfully, Ed

[Anne Naylor - Huffpost Blogger]

Thank you, Ed. I think if we can make education, especially that about understanding ourselves, fun and enjoyable then the chances are we will have more appetite for it and learn more as a result.

Peace for me is a continual quest and focus - there is always plenty to take me off and into the drama zone. I find that it is in those moments of peace that some of the best things happen.

I was not aware of a Winnie The Pooh cottage. As far as I am aware, Milne's son did not always find it easy being perceived as his fictional character.

Happy Sunday to you!
Anne

[Ed and Deb Shapiro - Huffpost Blogger]

Mr. Milne, immortalized as the Christopher Robin in A.A. Milne's "Winnie the Pooh" books, spent much of his life trying to shake the image. "One day I will write verses about him and see how he likes it," Christopher Milne was quoted as saying about his father. They did not get along well.

He lived in Dartmouth and had a bookstore. He lived in a little pink house. It was Deb and I and others who called it the Winnie The Pooh cottage as Christopher Robbins lived there. He felt he never was allowed to grow up.

Happy Sunday back, Ed