Dear Sir or Madam (I have a sixth sense that the person who dresses mannequins for your nice clothing store is a lady, but as one should not make presumptions I shall not presume either way. And for what it's worth I think men are equally as capable of dressing mannequins as women),
How do you do it!?!
I am, of course, referring to your ability to dress the headless mannequins of your fine clothing-selling establishment. I understand the logistics - a headless mannequin must be similar to dressing a headless doll, or a teenage boy, or a heavily-sedated dog - but what specifically am I referring to? I am so glad you asked! You see, one of your fine clothing-selling establishments is just a few blocks from where I live and as I am often walking past (or into) your clothing-selling establishment, I have become quite familiar with the mannequins. I have named them Joan, Sally, Erica, Betsy, Mildred and Janet. Just kidding that would be weird.
Your mannequins are very well-dressed. Your mannequins make the impossible look, well, possible. See, the clothes sold at your clothes-selling establishment, which I will heretoforehenceforth (that's a new word I just made up) refer to as Free People, are... nice. I write "nice" preceded by an ellipsis to signify a hesitant pause, because while I like most of the clothing at Free People, I find much of it curious. So curious, in fact, that I have some questions:
Seriously lady (or dude, sorry), you've got a good eye because those mannequins somehow manage to convince people that they totally should buy a sequined paisley print mullet dress that will look best when accompanied by a grandmother's crochet sweater. With clogs. And a feather earring (just one).
Kudos to you, Person Responsible for Dressing the Mannequins at Free People Stores. I don't know how you do it, but I'm so glad you do.
This post was originally published at HelloGiggles, the new girl-friendly entertainment website from actress/musician Zooey Deschanel, producer Sophia Rossi and blogger/Internet Sensation Molly McAleer.
Follow Annie Stamell on Twitter: www.twitter.com/stamos