What It Really Means to Have a Toddler

04/27/2015 05:36 pm ET | Updated Jun 27, 2015
April McCormick

For those of you who are on the verge of having a toddler, get ready, because life is going to get very interesting. You may be excited right now about your little showing signs of walking and talking, but trust me, the mother of very lively toddler, you'll quickly miss having a quiet little happy baby who can't outrun you while screaming, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

While you may get "lucky," for most of us, having a toddler means...

  1. Sticky fingers on every surface of the house, including all doorknobs and windows.
  2. Having pee-covered pants laying in the middle of the hallway with a streaking toddler running far and fast away from them.
  3. Stepping on at least one toy a day... or four.
  4. Hearing, 'MOMMY!' four million and one times a day. Usually grouped in lots of 50.
  5. The backseat of your car has more unknown things growing than a university laboratory.
  6. You cannot take your eyes off them for a second... Or they end up in the ball cage at Target.
  7. Finding two socks that match is impossible, since the last time they were worn, one was removed in the backyard, the other in the kitchen.
  8. Getting out of your house on time, with the toddler and everything you need, is harder than winning the lottery.
  9. You know the words to your toddler's favorite books by heart, which is a good thing, since a few of the pages are destroyed.
  10. You know why your mother didn't let you have sugar or caffeinated beverages until you were away at college.
  11. You are TERRIFIED of silence.
  12. You considered selling your soul to have the word "no" wiped out of your toddler's vocabulary.
  13. You can set-up a train track or tea party like a BOSS.
  14. Not one crayon in your house has the tip or label on it.
  15. Your mind is blown daily by the audacity of a three-foot human. (I've considered buying a wheelbarrel for my toddler's balls.)
  16. You do more laundry and dishes in a week than you did in six months pre-child.
  17. You've been roundhouse kicked out of your own bed by a "sleeping" toddler.
  18. NOTHING grosses you out anymore. Nothing.
  19. You know every character on every Sprout TV show, and have spent hours pondering if Nina really does the sand art on "The Goodnight Show."
  20. You've learned the hard way not to cut a toddler's food without explicit instructions first.
  21. Every day, you have to face the fact that you gave birth to a little evil genius that never ceases to amaze you.

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