I was meeting with a Millennial developer for breakfast to talk about collaboration in the near future. This person has an entertainment industry job that was particularly soul-sucking so they saved their pennies and took a coding class part-time after work. Apparently, they were one of, if not the brightest talent in the class. We talked for about an hour and I was impressed with the drive, maturity and intelligence they displayed. Naturally, I inquired as to their hourly rate. What happened next was sad. She went from a strong, confident young woman to a slouching and insecure kid that wasn't sure what to do. She got very small on me.
It was a good thing she did that in front of me, a safe person that is a firm believer in "the sisterhood". I let her know as much, told her to sit up straight and look me in the eye and tell me what her price was.
A week later I was on a video call with a brilliant analyst. Not only did they have a math & science background, but an MS in physics. I was very impressed again and asked the question about cost. This young lady didn't get as small as the one in my previous experience, but instead added, "is that okay?" after the quote. Again, I let her know that it's good she did that in front of me and let her know how I would suggest that she approach this in the future.
Ladies, that shy and accommodating spirit is killing your pay. Both of these examples were young ladies in their early 20s. I truly hope I got to them in time to change the way they asked for money in the future. I firmly believe that those of us in the GenX and older generations need to not only find our confidence to ask for what we're worth but to help the younger generations recognize that they need to stay confident and ask for what they are worth as well. Don't get small!
The good news is that there is a growing majority of men that believe we all deserve the same pay. Several that I have spoken to wonder why young women simply accept what is offered to them. In these conversations it doesn't really seem that they are telling me what I want to hear, they do seem genuine. Whether or not they are, ladies need to find their confidence to ask for what they're worth.
Here's how I do it - whether it is a salary, company shares or a new client contract:
1. Know your stuff - if you're ill-informed of the company or situation you're in, that is your fault. Research who you're dealing with. Try to know more about the person that you're negotiating with would expect.
2. Be respectful - Never take an entitled attitude. It's not cool when men do it either. Be down to earth and approachable. You need to be confident, not cocky.
3. Leave room for negotiation - When someone does give you an offer, don't simply accept it. Be sure to counter. When you counter, make sure you leave one last piece to negotiate with. I use this rule for everything. There is an offer on the table but is $20K less than what I want. I counter with $40K so that there is a much better chance that they will offer to meet me in the middle at $20K. If they only come up $10K, I simply remind them that we are $40K apart, why not meet in the middle? I would say that 85% of the time I get that $20K.
4. Be ready to walk away - This is probably the most powerful tactic. I'm not saying to be aloof, I'm saying to stay strong and never act desperate.
Whether you were "raised to be polite and quiet" or to believe that women don't do that it's time for those attitudes to die completely. There is nothing un-womanly about being paid what you're worth. Let's change the dialogue from calling women that ask for this to "having the nerve" to ask for more money. Also, as a colleague pointed out to me...when we face rejection, don't fall apart. Simply move on and re-strategize.