Election 2008

Further infuriating the already-seething Republican right-wing base, John McCain is has been dropping the name of Tom Ridge as his vice presidential running mate. Tom Ridge? The abortion-rights supporting former ex-governor of reliably Democratic and blue collar Pennsylvania?

Let's get a rundown on the guy who might inadvertently tip the scales for Barack Obama.

Current job: Senior adviser to TechRadium, Inc., a security technology company and senior adviser to senior citizen John McCain.

Age: 62

Astrological sign: Virgo

A-hole factor (1-10): 6

Vibe: Mitt Romney, minus the special underpants.

Celebrity Look-a-like: Pat Buchanan, with shorter ears.

Quick Bio:

• Born in Pennsylvania


• Scholarship to Harvard College


• Drafted into Army


• Served as infantry staff sergeant during Vietnam War


• Enough of a prick to be offered officer status


• Not enough of a prick to accept


• Pennsylvania congressman


• Governor of Pennsylvania


• First Secretary of Dept. of Homeland Security

RGI (Regular Guyness Index)*: 10

• From Pennsylvania: -3


• Born in a town called "Munhall": +2


• Looks like he's been punched in the face repeatedly: +2


• Catholic: +1


• Pro-choice: 0


• Pro-death penalty: +4


• No, seriously. As governor, he signed 224 execution warrants. +5


• Son of a traveling salesman and Navy veteran: +4


• Ruptured appendix: +1


• Deaf in left ear: +2


• On the boards of major corporations: -6


• Been married since 1979: +2


• To same woman: -4

Pro:
Younger than McCain.

Con:
Who isn't?

Pro:
Not an intolerant conservative.

Con:
Not an intolerant conservative.

Pro:
Comes from a battleground state.

Con:
That McCain has little chance of winning.

Pro:
Was in charge of Homeland Security.

Con:
Left to "spend more time with his family."

Brings to ticket: Finally- a candidate with some Vietnam experience!

Fascinating fact about Tom Ridge: Erie International Airport was co-named "Tom Ridge Field." Why? Because Erie International Airport/Tom Ridge Field just flows.

Hotness to Opposite Sex (1-10): 4

Hotness to Same Sex (1-10): 6

Most likely scandal:
Vice President Ridge "forgets" he is not governor of Pennsylvania, and has President McCain executed. Wait a minute, maybe President Ridge didn't forget after all...

Odds of being chosen: 2 - 1.

* RGI is an index of the kind of ersatz "regular guyness" that millionaire, chickenhawk, fake blue-collar, overly-made up jackass blowhards like Chris Matthews have decided is the paramount qualification to be the President of the United States.

Posted by: 236.com staff      I’m a fan of 236.com staff