RSSTHE WAR ON CHRISTMAS IS WINNABLE
The Great Satan.
Today is Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the year. 23/6 would like take a moment to commend our troops in the War on Christmas. Focus on the Family commentator Stuart Shepard might threaten you with boycotts for being "Christmas-offensive" in your refusal to demand that your employees say "Merry Christmas" to customers, but you do not blink. You brave retailers who put yourselves and your profits in harm's way solely to strike a blow against this yearly abomination that has plagued our nation for generations, you are the stores that will be remembered when this war is won and when Christmas is nothing more than a bloody corpse trodden under the feet of Godless department store greeters everywhere. When we speak of courage, we speak of:
Banana Republic
Bloomingdale's
Lane Bryant
Old Navy
We commend you. Because of you, this year Christmas is going to reach into its stocking and find nothing but razor blades.
We only hope we will be joined in our efforts by the Christmas-Negligent, like Barnes & Noble, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Dick's Sporting Goods. While these retailers share our desire to take Christmas into an alley and make it eat wet garbage, they have not yet committed to our cause. We must show them we are serious, that we will not quit in our offensive until Christmas is forced to find work as a prostitute on a Somali pirate ship.
We will destroy the Christmas-Friendly. Wal-Mart, L.L. Bean, even Dillards, we are coming for you and all of your kind who still believe store greeters should be allowed to say the words "Merry Christmas" without being water-boarded.
Make no mistake, Christmas will be destroyed in our lifetime. And when it is on the ground, bloody and begging for mercy, we will lean in close and whisper a simple message into its ear: Happy Holidays.
And now, a brief word from your leader, General Sutherland:
Filed under: war on Christmas, Focus on the Family, Merry Tossmas, Tossmas, what is Tossmas, Focus on the Family war on Christmas, Focus on Family Tossmas, conservative Tossmas, Tossmas retailers, Focus on the Family Christmas, Tossmas Christmas, holiday catalogues Tossmas, throw out holiday catalogues, Focus on the Family holiday catalogues, celebrate Tossmas, Tossmas war on Christmas
posted 11:11 pm on 11/30/2008
You're now a Fan of kiki800.
However, there is something about shopping in a store. I spent 10 years in financial services and never had the day after Thanksgiving off so I've never had the desire to shop on Black Friday and have only done it once to find a Best (Wo)man's dress. Haven't done it since.
This is disgusting and insane.
posted 2:39 pm on 11/29/2008
You're now a Fan of imnoone.
THE SHOPPERS ARE COMING. THE SHOPPERS ARE COMING.
posted 11:51 pm on 11/28/2008
You're now a Fan of bubbuh.
posted 1:51 pm on 11/28/2008
You're now a Fan of chascates.
posted 7:05 am on 11/28/2008
You're now a Fan of Bearman.
You're now a Fan of larry278.