What do Barack Obama, Mark Cuban, Chad Ochocinco, and LeGarrette Blount all have in common?
Give up? Ok, I'll tell you: not much. But since this is the Huffington Post, I thought I'd use Barack Obama to get your attention. And since you're here, I have some things I'd like to say about the other three as well.
Let's start with Mark Cuban. Like Barack Obama, Mark Cuban is a young, exciting voice of a new generation, and a bunch of old white men are trying to prevent him from rising to power. But unlike Barack Obama, Mark Cuban has not yet succeeded in his quest. To be fair, however, Cuban has arguably faced the more difficult opposition. I mean seriously, the powers that be in Major League Baseball (a.k.a. the owners) are so dedicated to keeping Mark out of the game that they wouldn't even let him buy the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Pirates! I mean, do they even field a baseball team in Pittsburgh anymore, or do they just skip baseball season and go right to football? Seriously, that's ridiculous.
And then, just last year, when Cuban took a shot at buying the Chicago Cubs, somehow that didn't work out either. And while the owners did a better job of covering that one up (they actually had other bidders this time), we all know that the owners were never going to let Mark Cuban buy the Cubs. Never.
But, as fate would have it, Mark might get another chance. For those who haven't heard, rumors have been swirling this week about Mark Cuban buying a controlling interest in the Los Angeles Dodgers. And I say let him do it. Yes, I know the criticisms: he's loud, he's obnoxious, he's rude, and he has very little respect for anyone other than himself. Fine. But if memory serves, a fellow by the name of Steinbrenner also fits that particular description, and I think he did pretty well with a little team called the New York Yankees. So come on Bud, let the man buy himself a baseball team. It's only right.
And speaking of right, let's talk about that right cross LeGarrette Blount landed in the skull of Boise State's Byron Hout a while back. What a punch, huh? I know, I know, since Blount was reinstated by the University of Oregon this week, I should probably move on. Or at the very least, I should say something about how nice it is that a young man in our society can do something that egregious and still earn the forgiveness of his coaches and teammates. But really, I have no interest in any of that. I just can't get enough of that punch. I must have watched it a hundred times. I couldn't be happier that Oregon decided to reinstate him, because it means that ESPN will be showing the Blount haymaker on a loop for the next week. Thanks Oregon. God bless you, and God bless America.
And speaking of athletes doing ridiculous things that would never be tolerated in decent society and somehow coming away unscathed, let's talk about Chad Ochocinco. Before last Sunday's game against the Baltimore Ravens, Mr. Ochocinco sent a gift basket to Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, and the Ravens' secondary that included several sticks of deodorant. (Actually, there are rumors that the deodorant was roll-on, but what do you call a unit of roll-on deodorant? Is it a tube? A shot? A canister? Yeah, I don't know either, so I went with stick.) The deodorant served as a nice little reminder from Chad that he thinks the Ravens stink. Or maybe Chad gave the Ravens deodorant so they wouldn't be afraid to get close to him during the game. It's not exactly clear. Either way, it's borderline ridiculous, kind of amusing, and I gotta say, I like it.
But here's the thing: While I totally appreciate the value of some pre-game smack talk, are we sure that Ray Lewis is the guy we wanted to include in the deodorant gag? Really? 'Cause I've seen Ray Lewis, and that is just not a man I want to mess with. Ever. He's got crazy in his eyes. It seems like even the slightest deodorant prank might set him off. I mean, Chad made it through Sunday's game without any major problems, so I guess all's well that ends well, but still - not something I would ever do again if I were him.
Anyway, the point I'm trying to make here is this: With the Huffington Post's new sports page, we finally have a place where Barack Obama, Mark Cuban, LeGarrette Blount, and Chad Ochocinco all have an equal chance to end up in a meaningless discussion that will enable you to avoid work for at least five minutes.
And really, at the end of the day, isn't that what America is really all about?