I want to start this article by saying I just recently I found out that one of my fans took their own life due to bullying. And even though I never got a chance to meet them in person, I feel like I've lost a dear friend. My fans are my family and I never want to see them struggle. It pains me so deeply to see how many lovely young people we're losing in this world to peer pressure and hurtful words, and I'm going to do my part to make sure that this never happens again.
People tend to think that because I'm a performer and I don't go to a regular high school that I haven't personally been affected by bullies. But it's actually quite the contrary. I still have to deal with people in my everyday life, even adults who act as if they're in middle school and make it very clear to me that they don't want me around. Naturally, it's taken me a long time to figure out how to deal with that. One of the most terrible feelings in the world is knowing that someone else doesn't like you. Especially when you don't know what you've done to deserve it. You start to believe that you are the problem and that you need to change something about yourself to be liked, but I've come to learn that it's really not our problem, it's theirs.
Sometimes, people can be extraordinarily judgmental and closed-minded to anyone different or special, which is why it's so hard for young people in this day and age to be comfortable enough in their own skin to not listen to the people picking on them. But we shouldn't let them make us unhappy. If anything, we should feel sorry for the people who want us to feel bad about ourselves, because they are the ones struggling for approval. In middle school, bullies tortured other kids because they thought it would make people like them more. But if bullies were happy in their own skin, they wouldn't need to do that. It's only because of your greatness and uniqueness that people notice you and ultimately target you. It comes from their own fear and insecurity. We'll never know or understand fully why people try to hurt others but it's something humans have always done since the beginning of time and will always do. It could be jealousy, insecurity, or just unhappiness. But in the end, all we're responsible for is ourselves. We have to remember who we are and never question ourselves if someone else disapproves.
This past year I did a lot of growing up and I came to understand and love myself in a way that I couldn't before. I will always want to be loved and will always be a very sensitive person, and I know that I will always have to deal with disapproval and jealousy in this industry and in life in general, but I'm certainly getting better at this and I want my fans to be able to be secure and blissful with me. Be happy with being you. Love your flaws. Own your quirks. And know that you are just as perfect as anyone else, exactly as you are.
I'm writing this blog because wherever you go in life, after high school, in college, in your office, at your kids' school, in the retirement home you'll move into a long time from now, there are always going to be people who don't like you. I was talking to my Nonna the other day, and she told me that she is still dealing with people in her circle of friends that give her a hard time. And Nonna said, "You know why? It's 'cause I'm fabulous."
And it's true. :] We're all fabulous. Everyone. Even the bullies, although they might not see it. All we can do is wish them happiness and celebrate our own. Don't ever doubt yourselves or waste a second of your life. It's too short and you're too special.
Love always,
Ariana Grande
We're supposed to take advice about self confidence and withstanding bullies from some beauty queen d-list celebrity? What horrible thing did she have to go through? Did some other girl make fun of how much make up she wore? I have a really hard time believing she went through or witnessed even a fraction of what people who kill themselves experience. Getting beat up, badly. Getting called names for years, being falsely accused of horrible things, victim of rumors and lies. Can't go anywhere without people hurting you verbally or physically.
That's what serious bullying is like. People don't understand the suicides because they don't understand what is really going on, why the kids and teens don't want to go to school anymore. Calling yourself fabulous, delusions of grandeur doesn't change that.
All I can know is this needs to stop.
My son was also a victim, middle school - high school. It sucks when your child gets physically sick the night before school starts from stress. He was and is an awesome kid but marches to his own drummer. Seems if you don't wear blue jeans, look and act like every other school clone you are automatically outcast. How sad our society has become wherein one's being unique is cause for ridicule.
My sons's school took him and others bullied out to council them on how to deal with being bullied instead of dealing with the bullies!
Something has to give, parents need to pay attention, take away the brats computers and cell phones. Punishment is required because if a beautiful young girl can be lying in a hospital bed dying after jumping in front of a bus because she can't stand the bullying anymore, and still have A***** girls sending nasty Facebook postings then those girls need a true wake up call. Kick their butts, suspend them from school, do not allow them to be cheerleaders or attend school dances or prom or get phone calls or date or buy and wear designer clothing
The part that's worse is the thoughts running through your head. Your world changing in your mind; things you used to enjoy no longer making you happy; depression sets in (and sometimes gets deep). You eventually hit a point when all you want is immediate peace. And, when nothing else good comes, OR you get dogpiled on with more bad stuff, suicide looks better and better. I know this because it crossed my mind a time or two in the past; I've also experienced this dealing with depression -- myself, friends, and co-workers.
Telling one's story about Silent Suffrage -- bullying, depression, eating disorders, etc. -- takes courage; there's a lot of posts here to prove it. It happens to everyone eventually. What takes even more courage is showing that: it doesn't have to win, uniting against it, and there IS worthwhile life after dark times in one's life.
BTW, I'm not famous; I'm just a disabled service veteran who's also everyday people.
By no means am I saying that victims/survivors of bullying should forgive. I'm simply saying what worked for me under my own individual circumstances.
This was a thoughtful and passionate essay. Well done!
@Elroy, If you were that badly hurt in the past, then going to your high school reunion just isn't worth the pain you'll re-inflict on yourself by going. I've been out of high school almost twenty-five years, and I've not once gone to a reunion. I have more pleasurable and constructive things I'd rather do with my time.
Best wishes
Debby Hanoka
Her message is to everyone. Every one of us is special in our own way, and we deserve respect. She is right. If someone does not like you, pray for them and move on. It is not worth one moment of your life to take to hating yourself because someone might not like you. There are always plenty of people out there who do love and care about you, and they should be your priority.