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A Chance to Break Through: How You Can Use Crises to Transform Your Life

Posted: 07/26/10 04:25 AM ET

A month ago, when Tony Robbins was passing through New York, we met for a drink. In the course of our conversation, we realized that -- from our different perspectives -- we both had been thinking about a similar problem: how can people faced with enormous challenges carry on without collapsing under the burden?

I had just finished my upcoming book on Third World America in which I write about the millions of middle class Americans who are suddenly finding themselves without a job, or without a home, or without the possibility of giving their children a better future. By the end of the book, I found myself consumed with identifying practical solutions and sources of help that those struggling could use right away -- instead of anxiously waiting for government to act. And I recognized that it all starts with each individual's inner strength and resilience.

Tony, meanwhile, had been working on "Breakthrough with Tony Robbins," a series of primetime TV specials for NBC focused on the stories of people who had been dealt an incredibly bad hand by life. He showed me a clip and I was not just deeply moved but, more the point, I was struck by how these people were able to find the strength to transform their lives -- even in the most extreme circumstances.

The clip I saw was about a newlywed who jumps into a swimming pool on his wedding day, hits his head, and instantly becomes a quadriplegic. When we first encounter them in Tony's special, premiering tomorrow night, he and his wife are trapped in their house -- the wife feeling depressed and angry; the husband feeling guilty and at a loss for what to do. The transformation in this couple's lives that we see by the end of the hour is stunning -- and I knew it would be really inspiring for anyone going through difficult circumstances of their own (most of which, of course, would pale in comparison to becoming a quadriplegic).

By the end of our meeting, Tony and I had decided do something on HuffPost that would focus on solutions instead of problems. The result is Breakthrough: The Power of Crisis, which launches today.

I now turn this blog post over to Tony:

Arianna and I have been friends for two and a half decades and when we recently met we talked about what a different America we're living in -- one where, for the first time in our history, we have a generation of people who believe the quality of life for themselves and their children will be lower in the future than it has been in the past.

It's not so hard to figure out why this is, all you have to do is turn on the news -- and hear about the job losses and the foreclosures and the bankruptcies and the destruction of the environment in the Gulf.

No wonder so many people are feeling like life is beyond their control. That numbing feeling tends to create what we call learned helplessness. We begin to almost expect to feel like we're puppets on a string reacting to events as opposed to free human beings directing our own destiny.

It's a dangerous place to be because, once we believe it, we accept it and we no longer even fight the challenges.

The question is, what do we do? Arianna and I have talked about this extensively. For me, it was creating a television show to remind people of what they already know. When you actually witness real people making real changes, two things happen. Yes, you are moved -- maybe even to tears -- but, more importantly, you are inspired.

The series, I hope, will remind people that we are more capable than we think we are -- that we all have greater inner strength than we give ourselves credit for.

We wanted to start a conversation about this on HuffPost. We both agreed the strongest approach is to focus on solutions, not problems, because most of us are already all-too-good at sharing the story of our problems. We know them so well, they can end up controlling us. And the most powerful way to find the solutions that can turn our lives around is to reconnect to what we already know so we can learn from ourselves and from others around us.

We've all experienced multiple crises in our lives -- be it health, career, financial, family -- and most of us have found ways to eventually break through.

What exactly is a breakthrough?

It is a moment in time, an opening when what seemed to be impossible becomes possible. You meet someone and get inspired, you learn something, you're given a strategy or tool. Or maybe you get angry enough to finally do it -- you take decisive action and your life changes.

Either you use stress or it uses you. Some people go through terrible things and are able to move beyond them and, indeed, use their experiences to help others.

How do you react in a crisis? We designed five questions that are very simple, but can be very useful. Answering them will trigger you to remember the path you took in your past to solve your own crisis, and allow you to share your breakthroughs with the HuffPost community.

Using HuffPost's social slideshow tool, you can give your answers in writing or in a short video. Here are the questions:

  1. What was your life like right before the challenge or crisis hit?
  2. What was the crisis you faced? What happened -- what did you feel and experience?
  3. What pulled you through this difficult, unjust, or impossible time? What was the trigger or catalyst for change? Was it a belief, a strategy, a faith, a person, a tool? What made the change possible?
  4. Once you turned the corner mentally or emotionally, what did you do to turn your life around?
  5. How is your life better today because you lived through the crisis? How have you transformed? How are you stronger emotionally, physically, spiritually? What gifts do you have to give because of this?

Back to Arianna:

Each week, our community will have the chance to select the top five examples of breakthroughs posted on the site, and we'll feature them. And each week Tony will come on HuffPost after his NBC show to join the discussion -- and to offer specific tools and strategies for overcoming crises.

So check out our Breakthrough blog, and answer the questions. Do it on video or do it in writing, but remember to focus on the solution, rather than the problem.

Together, we can use our collective knowledge and experience to support and help one another through even the most challenging times.

 
 
 

Follow Arianna Huffington on Twitter: www.twitter.com/ariannahuff

A month ago, when Tony Robbins was passing through New York, we met for a drink. In the course of our conversation, we realized that -- from our different perspectives -- we both had been thinking abo...
A month ago, when Tony Robbins was passing through New York, we met for a drink. In the course of our conversation, we realized that -- from our different perspectives -- we both had been thinking abo...
 
 
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05:31 PM on 09/05/2010
I love your idea and the collaborative way in which you are exploring breakthroughs in people's lives. As a practicing psychotherapist, I have been fortunate enough to witness a lot of breakthroughs with people who begin their jouneys in pain and desperation and end renewed and with new purposes and goals in their lives.
10:44 AM on 08/01/2010
I submitted but unsure if I did so the right way on: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/29/participate-share-your-br_n_657536.html#comments Did I? Yes? No?
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MollyLive
Educator and peaceful divorce blogger
06:36 PM on 07/31/2010
This is awesome and I submitted something. I recently divorced my husband and the crisis that I went through really led to a beautiful breakthrough. I have since started a blog called Postcards from a Peaceful Divorce to share my experiences with people in the hopes to inspire others to find a way to be harmonious and positive amidst a difficult situation like this.

Check it out at http://www.postcardsfromapeacefuldivorce.com
12:42 PM on 07/31/2010
I think that this is an exciting pairing of minds and believe Tony's and Arianna's initiative is timely and will be really well-received by HuffPo readers!
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10:46 PM on 07/29/2010
Fantastic show! Loved it!
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john frodo
armchair expert
08:07 PM on 07/29/2010
yes thats a nice way to put it
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ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:55 AM on 07/28/2010
I have a background in Psychology and research. As many of you know I am a Liberal and a Republican and love to talk about policy. So, I do research. Lots of research on ANY topic... just do you research on Tony before you listen to him.. Comments please?
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ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:53 AM on 07/28/2010
Wow, some of my post actually got through. Amazing - now look up Fit for Life and Tony's part. Now please comment on him....
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Songbird53
08:35 PM on 07/31/2010
Some people get him. Some people don't. Some people benefit from his program. Some people don't. Most of the people I know personally who have invested in one of his seminars etc. felt it was worth the price at worst, and life transforming at best.
09:37 AM on 07/28/2010
Can't find the "social slideshow tool" to respond to Tony's questions but would like to. I had an idyllic life with a loving husband I met in the Peace Corps, a large supportive extended family, and four young children when our youngest son, Noah, was run over in his grandparent's driveway on a sunny Sunday morning by his 16-year-old cousin. Nine months later I lost another full-term son, Jonah, at birth and nearly died myself. Our extended family exhibited extreme denial and ultimately pointed the finger of blame at me in a classic blame-the-victim scenario. When my next son was born successfully we learned the difficult truth about Jonah's death and prevailed in a medical malpractice lawsuit which featured family members testifying against us. What pulled us thru these very difficult years was the love we had for each other and the support of good friends and family. When we focus positive energy on one another the effect is powerful and we are the direct recipients of what I would label the uplifting power of the holy spirit which is in all of us--even while my faith in God has been sorely challenged by life. I have just written a book about these difficult years and the demise of our family and hope you can read it some day when I find an agent/publisher. We were not in need of a wake-up call but continue to live each day fully.
09:17 PM on 07/31/2010
Kelly, thanks for sharing your very uplifting story. I am so sorry about your tragic losses. They do make us stronger, though, don't they?--if we're willing. There were times when I was not willing, but something saw me through and I am still here ... and still on that journey to finding peace with what happened to me (actually a few things, like yourself). Reading your post gives me a bit of hope. Thank you. Kenny
01:39 PM on 08/05/2010
Kelly, I'm so sorry for your losses. I don't know how I would continue on if I lost my son, but I'm sure you are an inspiration to those who have experienced a similar loss. I'm happy that you found the incredibly positive energy of love to help you through such a trying time and hope others see that love is the answer to so many negative experiences in our lives. Please remember that God is not "out there" somewhere, but is that love energy in all of us; the Oneness which helps us heal. Good luck with your book and I wish you lots of love in the future. Jim
We CAN change the world through love.
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ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:34 AM on 07/28/2010
As a Republican and a Liberal. I believe in free speech. I believe in truth and I love the Huffington Post. I like to post about Policy and individual rights and freedoms. So, I am disappointed... To be continued
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ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:45 AM on 07/28/2010
In HP and their affiliation with Tony Robbins. Please think about his education level, what he is really saying and look up how he got started by working with the Fit For Life folks - do your homework!
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ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:48 AM on 07/28/2010
Do the research on Tony. Look up Fit For Life... Then Please Comment
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
ProudObamacan
A Real Republican - not a Right Wingnut
09:32 AM on 07/28/2010
Tony Robbins is just hot air
12:46 PM on 07/31/2010
**You're not acting like a proud republican liberal. You tell us to do our due diligence and research the guy and then you can't wait 5 minutes for us to do that?
12:10 AM on 07/28/2010
I am encouraged by people working on assisting citizens with getting through this crisis and living a happier life. Great for you, Arianna and Tony!
08:13 PM on 07/27/2010
Watching and taping Break Through. What a concept. I was taught during a time of CRISIS in my life, that the word crisis tanslated to Chinese involves two symbols--one for danger, the other for opportunity. I have since had many crises large and small that have allowed me to see the truth in that lesson. This show speaks directly to that concept. Thanks Tony!!
11:09 AM on 07/27/2010
I've always been proud of myself, and have loved/appreciated my parents for raising me and my sibs. with direction; Because out of five sibs., I was the sickly child of whom drs. had told my parents that I would be in a wheelchair with no legs and disabled my entire life. They refused to accept it, instilled hope and a never-ending spirit and coupled with my religion, I have plowed through unbelievable obstacles and untold hardships to enjoy a career like anyone else, have went through normal life's problems with my health including job layoffs, and dealt with them, choosing to help others as a social worker. I still struggle from time to time, but I can honestly say that I am much, much wiser and happier for it. I've taken a negative and made it into a positive and he's right, everyone can. Good luck to us all! And by the way, I never lost my legs, and although I must watch myself, I enjoy good health. Have an obstacle? Make a strong determination, don't let anything get in the way, and plow forward, no matter what!
11:07 AM on 07/27/2010
All my life I’ve always done what my parents did throughout their lives. My parents weren’t wealthy. We lived in wealthy Highland Park, IL. Amongst all that money, many families making less then $20,000.00/year lived day to day. My parents owned a home raising 5 children keeping a roof over us, clothes on our backs and food in our belly. My parents would remind me of how grateful I should be for all they did for us. They made sure we graduated from high school; my father quit his sophomore year and mom graduated from high school. I remember how proud they were when I graduated from college.

It was their never quit attitude I watched and carry with me that gets me through the trials and tribulations life has thrown my way. I have succeeded in some, failed miserably in others, but after each failure I got back up, dusted myself off, and carried on. I don't see what other choice I have. I'm not going to feel sorry for myself. I don’t blame others. It just didn't work. So, I either make it work or try something new. I just carry on until I find what I'm looking for or I'm no longer capable physically or mentally. Is it exciting? Not really, but I bet it's done by many worldwide. While I like to think I'm unique, I know I'm not. After all, I'm not the only one in the world who likes spaghetti.