Dear Boss,
I know I've been a little distracted lately, but I'm ready to get back in the game (btw: Trent Lott can blow me! He's still pissed about the demotion. What, wasn't that promise to rebuild his house enough?).
Anyway, I know the $7.1 billion we proposed on Monday to take on the avian flu pandemic didn't move the numbers like we thought it would... but that doesn't mean we should drop it (I'm still convinced nothing says "Forget Scooter" like a killer pandemic).
In fact, I think the problem is that we were thinking too small. With the virus popping up in Europe, I think we need to pull out the first-term playbook and go with what got us that 77-percent approval rating (remember?): I say it's time to declare war on the bird flu! After spending a few more months scaring Congress and the American people with details of the gathering threat (quick, what is the poultry equivalent of aluminum tubes?), we should ask for a few hundred billion dollars and authorization to preemptively and forcibly vaccinate all of Europe in an effort to take the fight to the enemy abroad, so we won't have to fight them here at home.
That's right, it's Flypaper II. And this time it could actually work!
We'll use Europe to "smoke out the virus" from surrounding continents. Get all the germs in one place and then engage the enemy. Pretty soon the avian flu will be in its "last throes" and freedom from illness will reign. And since "preemptive forced vaccination" has a bit of an ugly ring to it, we can just call it "liberating them from sickness." Who can argue with that?
Sure, Europe may not react well to being chosen as the avian flu battle ground, but is this the right time for us to start worrying about what the rest of the world thinks of us? Especially when your numbers are almost as low as mine -- and Rummy gets a piece of every Tamiflu tablet that gets sold.
Talk about your win-win.
Back in the Saddle -- Turd Blossom (Here's hoping this one will get me back my Boy Genius stripes)